Volume One
by ethnewinter
Summary: Collection of oneshots for Shiznat.  The MaiHimeOtome characters belong to Sunrise.  Standard disclaimers apply.  M rating begins with chapter 4.
1. On Widows and Wolves

_Notes et avertissements:_

_This shall be a collection of oneshots for the Shizuru-Natsuki pairing. All shall be placed on a (somewhat) alternate universe as well as contain out of character portrayals. I shall upload each oneshot as a chapter here, because I propose to set them in more or less one universe/canon, to keep it simple. Each chapter is intended to be able to stand by itself. Narration technique, perspective, and tones of voice may be varied across pieces. Thematic content may range from comedy to drama, though the story below is actually one which I wrote with the intention of conveying a sober feel. Read and review if you please, and my thanks to all in advance._

_To the barristers beyond: Legal disclaimers have already been placed in the summary section, and they apply to each chapter._

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_**On Widows and Wolves**_

_par ethnewinter_

--

_**1**_

--

Yuuki Nao was once called the Black Widow of Fuuka Academy. Do not think I am very much impressed by that title, but it meant a lot to Yuuki-han. It was not that she—or anyone who used the label to refer to her, for that matter—associated it with her previous activities as a mugger in the guise of a child prostitute. Those days were long past, and she had no fondness for recollecting them. It was just as well, really, that very few people knew about it, and all of them kept it quiet. She had been too young; she had too many problems; she had not known any better. One day she realized her own inner distaste for doing what she did, and then she simply stopped doing it.

She was given the title of Black Widow by other students because of her penchant for killing—emotionally, that is—the boys she dated. The first two or three times, it was looked on as a misfortune that just seemed to accompany her romantic life, but when the count came up to four and kept going, everyone knew it had to be intentional. It began to be something of a legend, how they fell in love with her, before she dealt that final blow and devastated them so terribly that some of them never really got over it.

I remember that there was one who went out with her with the intention of turning the tables. This is generally something I would dissuade most people from doing because, more often than not, these sorts of things do not work out the way you want them to. It did not work out for him, either, and when Yuuki-han left him, she did it so decisively that he nearly killed himself over it.

You would think that this would warn off anyone from being interested in her, and it did for a lot of people. But there were always those who would imagine what it would be like to change her, and then they would make the mistake of trying, only to find that the gulf between imagination and reality is really very wide. So the Black Widow kept on its killing streak, and it ruined her a little more each time, because she was still less arachnid and more human than she would have liked. I did not realize how much it was ruining her until she came to my office one day, in Fuuka University.

"Ara, good afternoon, Yuuki-han," I said. "To what do I owe this pleasure?"

"Um, good afternoon. I was thinking," she said, taking a seat on one of the chairs before my desk. "Do you think maybe I need to go away somewhere? For a while?"

"Why?"

"Because it'll be fun?"

"Yuuki-han. Is that all?"

She smiled, then, that catlike smile of hers.

"No, it isn't," she admitted. "I was thinking maybe I needed a break."

"Hmm. It's the middle of the school year, is it not?"

"That's part of the problem."

"Ara. Are you having trouble with your lessons?"

"No," she said, shaking her head. "It's more like personal stuff."

"For instance?"

"For instance: seeing that bastard giving me another puppy-eyed look is going to make me puke."

"Ara, Yuuki-han," I said, putting a small reprimand into it. "Who is he?"

"Kenjiro. The tough-looking one."

"What happened?"

"He wasn't as tough as he looked."

"I see."

Someone knocked on the door and I apologized to Yuuki-han before calling out that it was open. One of our aides came in.

"Excuse me, kaichou-sama," she bowed. "But I was just informed that the meeting with the new faculty members shall be postponed for now. They will inform us of the new schedule."

"Thank you."

She left after having been summarily dismissed. My companion watched her retreat until the door shut.

"You really get a lot of perks with this position, don't you?" she said. "Helpers, a private office, fame. Although you're famous even without being the kaichou," she added, after a pause.

I inclined my head. "Yuuki-han is famous in her own right."

"You mean, notorious?" she asked, snarling the word to herself instead of me. "Shizuru-sama, I think I've really got to get out of this town for a while."

"You will be taking yourself along wherever you go," I told her. "Anyway, since it appears we have a little more time now that my meeting has been struck off, would you like some tea?"

She shook her head.

"It's more dirt on me, I guess," she said.

"If you think you have a problem, then why do you not stop what it is that causes it, Yuuki-han?"

She gave me a dry chuckle.

"Hell, I would if I could," she answered. "What the hell."

I did not know what to make of her answer, so I simply chose to rebuke her halfheartedly for her language. She smiled at me.

"Sorry," she said. "You keep telling me and I keep forgetting. I'm not very good at taking your lessons, Shizuru-sama. But I try my best, don't you worry."

"Yuuki-han underrates herself."

"I'm serious. I know I'm still rough around the edges, but not as much as before you helped me out," she smirked, slightly. "Speaking of which, I better get in on my daily quota of thank you's. Thanks again for everything."

I smiled. "You are welcome, but as I said before, you need not keep thanking me so often. Once was enough."

"Shizuru-sama, you're being too kind again. That'll get you more thank you's, be warned."

I laughed. "How are things at work?"

"Same old, same old, if not older. Kobayashi, I mean. He forgets his appointments like clockwork."

"Ah, well, then it is fortunate I assigned you to be his assistant."

"He's getting senile. Guy's got a mind like a sieve."

"Indeed."

She was about to say something when there was another knock on the door, but this time, the person didn't wait for me to tell them to come in. I smiled when I saw who it was.

"Natsuki."

She shut the door and sauntered over to us, all raw, regal beauty and indifferent grace. I got up to kiss her on her lips, lingering a few more seconds than was really polite with Yuuki-han in the room. I could not help it.

I looked at Natsuki after pulling back, and was pleased to see that she blushed after that. She always did.

"Hey, Nao," she said, nodding at the other girl, who returned the gesture before rising from her seat.

"I've got to go," she said to us, offering another catlike smile. "Work starts in thirty."

"Does Yuuki-han need a ride?" I asked.

"No. I'll take a cab. Thanks anyway, Shizuru-sama. And for listening." She tipped her chin at Natsuki. "See you around, Kuga."

"Later, Nao," Natsuki responded in English, making us laugh at the odd juxtaposition. Afterwards, Yuuki-han waved off.

"So what where you talking about, Shizuru?" Natsuki asked, once she had gone.

"Just some troubles Nao-han has been having recently."

"Is it that Kenji guy?"

"Natsuki knows about him?"

She sighed. "Everyone knows about him, Shizuru. And how Nao dumped him."

I waited for her to elaborate.

"Well, the poor shmuck got dropped right on the day he was about to ask her to go exclusive with him. Right in the restaurant with a candlelit dinner and everything."

"Ara… how awful."

She nodded.

"Did Yuuki-han say why she did that?"

"She never does."

I thought about it for a while. "Why do you think she does that, Natsuki?"

She shrugged.

"You do not speak to her about it?"

"Nope."

"Perhaps one of her friends must speak to her about it, then. Natsuki would not like to try?"

She leaned against the desk as I moved closer to put my arms around her.

"No-o," she said, after some thought. I nuzzled her hair, taking in the faint scent of roses from her—our—shampoo.

"Uh, I mean, don't get me wrong, we're friends and everything now," Natsuki continued. "But she wouldn't talk about something like that. She'll talk about anything else, but ask her about that, Shizuru, and she just clams up."

"I see."

"Ah—Shizuru!"

"What?"

I had my hand on her inner thigh, far up her skirt. She squirmed, flushing prettily.

"Stop that."

"Why?"

She glared at me before sputtering and pulling my hand away.

"For one thing, this isn't our apartment."

I giggled, because her face had turned a new shade of red. I catalogued it in my memory, for future reference.

"Ara, Natsuki should not be so worried. You did not notice what Yuuki-han did?"

She brought her eyebrows together, puzzled.

"What did she do?"

"Look at the door."

It was locked.

--

_**2**_

--

Natsuki told me later, when we were at home, about a conversation she had had with Yuuki-han about the other girl's misadventures with romance. It took place a few days ago. Yuuki-han had asked Natsuki what it felt like when she finally realized her feelings for me.

"Uh. I don't know," Natsuki replied. "Sort of… nice and crappy at the same time. You know?"

"No. Like how?"

"Well, it was nice because she loved me back, I guess."

I interrupted at this point in the story to ask if she had really been able to say this without stammering through it. Natsuki growled and told me to shut up, before she returned to her narration.

"And why is it crappy?" Yuuki-han asked.

"Because I felt bad about taking so long. And I guess I wasn't really, _really_ sure she still felt the same way."

"But she did. And Shizuru-sama doesn't seem like she minds your being slow about it."

"Yes... But it's not a nice thing to think of, that way, still."

"Love isn't nice at all, Kuga."

"Eh. Why?"

"Just. Look how much trouble it gives me."

Natsuki laughed. "Yeah, well, you should see how much more trouble it gives _them_. You're not the one who's in love. They get more trouble out of it."

"Sure. They deserve it, anyway. They're stupid enough to bite."

"You talk kind of bitter."

"Sorry," Yuuki-han grinned. "I didn't mean to."

"Huh. Nao, hey."

"What?"

"Can I, you know, ask you something?"

"Sure."

"You've never liked any of them?"

Yuuki-han laughed. "Sure, I like them. Then they get old and I dump them."

"No, idiot. Well… loved them, I mean?"

"No."

Natsuki decided to press it. "Have you ever? Anyone?"

Yuuki-han took a while before answering.

"Not really," she said.

"Liar. I don't believe you."

"Why would you, moron? You didn't even believe yourself enough until recently. You're more of a liar than I ever was."

"Oh, go to hell, Nao."

"You started it."

"I didn't start that crap," Natsuki replied, getting up.

Yuuki-han managed to look contrite, something she rarely did.

"Sit down," she told Natsuki. "Come on, Kuga. Oh, hell, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it."

Natsuki smiled and sat back down. What would she have done if she hadn't?

"You say such damned insulting things, Nao."

"I know it. I've got a sharp tongue. I don't really mean it when I say things like that."

"I know. I do it too." Natsuki paused, smiling. "Shizuru's trying to break me out of it."

"She's doing the same to me."

"Yeah."

"I owe her a lot," Yuuki-han said, musingly. "She was nice enough to give me that job in their company, in the first place, but she didn't just stop there."

"Shizuru wouldn't."

"You're really lucky, you know."

"Yeah."

"But I'm not buying it," Natsuki told me, later, as the two of us stretched out in our bed. "She took too long to answer, don't you think? About her not loving anyone."

"Yes, Natsuki is right, I think."

"Is that what's bothering her, you think?"

"What is?"

I rolled over and got on top of her, putting my mouth on her collarbone. She sighed as I sucked on the skin.

"Maybe she's hung up over someone?" she offered.

My mouth was on her throat. Her speaking sent pleasant vibrations through my lips.

"Ara, that is very probable." I looked up. "I think so."

"Yes, don't you think?" She lit up with a happy smile. "See, I can be 'intuitive' too."

"Yes, Natsuki can be very intuitive," I whispered into her ear. She shivered. Her ears were very sensitive.

"But her intuition is several weeks late of schedule," I finished.

"What?" she asked, trying to pull my head back so that she could see my face. "What do you mean, Shizuru?"

I sighed, holding back a smile. "I already deduced Yuuki-han's problem a long time ago."

"Liar."

I gave in to the tugging at my lips and smiled down at her as she held on to my hair, holding a fistful of it none-too-gently. She narrowed her eyes at me and I waited.

"Unfair," she finally capitulated, screwing up her mouth sulkily.

I laughed. "Natsuki was the one who asked her directly. _That_ should be unfair."

She growled softly, the sound rumbling in her throat. I suppressed a laugh and tried to placate her with a kiss. She kept her lips firmly pressed together and her eyes shut.

"Natsuki should know better than to try to stop me," I warned, amused. I took the opportunity to gaze at her for a few seconds as she lay there, in a false slumber.

"Natsuki," I repeated. She ignored me. "Ikezu."

"Ara, very well. Sleeping beauty was woken by a kiss," I said to her. "But perhaps that was just the sanitized version, Natsuki."

I reached down and quickly stroked her between her legs. Her eyes snapped open as she yelped, and the last things I saw before I assaulted her open mouth were her irises, incandescent and startling, the colour of an emerald.

--

_**3**_

--

I suppose if I had really been paying attention, I would have realized it sooner. The way Yuuki-han talked around the two of us, the repeated references to 'her debt' to me, as though she were trying to remind herself of something, of a line somewhere… But I was too caught up in my own happiness with Natsuki to draw the conclusion. By the time I noticed it, it was already too far gone and there was nothing for me to do. Perhaps there never was.

I saw it entirely by accident, one day, when I went to meet Natsuki at the Academy. Fuuka Academy is only a few minutes away from University, so it was common for us to visit each other, even on days with class. That day, my classes had ended early and I decided to go to her. Luckily, no one noticed me enter the grounds, partly because of the large sunhat I had placed on my head. I wanted it to be a surprise, and any of the members of my unofficial fan club would have dashed that plan to pieces with a single scream.

I made my way to the gardens first, near the forest, because I knew that Natsuki's class at this time was Math, and she would—contrary to what she insisted on telling me—in all likelihood be cutting it. If so, she was most probably hiding at the bower by the very edge of the forest. It took a few seconds of surveying the location from a distance, hiding myself behind a topiary, to see that I was right.

Natsuki was sitting cross-legged on the grass, her arms extended behind her and bracing her body as she leaned backwards. Her long hair streamed out in the wind as she tilted her head up to the sun, dappled light cascading over her.

The same people who called Yuuki-han The Black Widow—the ones who had a particular fondness for such designations—called Natsuki the Ice Princess, because of her frosty good looks and general manner. But they would hardly have believed how much she liked the sun and warmth—whether in the sense of temperature or affection. She had a need for heat that I discovered after several weeks of being with her, and it was somewhat surprising, if not ironic. Perhaps it was why I preferred the other popular nickname she had: The Lone Wolf. She was _my_ lone wolf, coming in to curl up against me for warmth.

I observed her as she sat there, the play of the light on her face making her look otherworldly. She lifted a hand from its position against the ground and tucked a stray lock of hair behind one ear. The wind caught the dark, shimmering mane behind her and then _it was a dance_.

I watched, mesmerized, feeling a pang of need so strong that it almost brought me to my knees. I felt an urgent need to come up to her, to touch her, to kiss her, perhaps even bite her, but at the same time I did not want the moment to end, and suddenly I saw a flash of red, a little off from where I was: It was Yuuki-han. She was standing behind a tree, looking at Natsuki with an expression that so exactly mirrored my own feelings that I had to blink to believe it.

"Shizuru!"

The voice made me snap my attention back to the direction of the bower. In my surprise I had stepped into view, and Natsuki had seen me. I turned to her as she started running in my direction, a smile on her face. She was coming. She was coming _to me_. I felt overwhelming gratitude as well as an odd sense of triumph. I smiled back at her, _my _Natsuki, before slanting my eyes to where the flame-haired figure had been standing.

Yuuki-han was gone.

--

_**4**_

--

That summer, Yuuki-han decided that she would go to America for the break. She wanted to see more of the world and decided that she wanted to start with the West. Their office, too, had a business proposition with a company in New York, and her boss, Kobayashi-han, was tasked to head negotiations. Yuuki-han was more than willing to accompany him, as that would take care of her travel expenses. She came to see me and asked what I thought. I approved of it.

"Perhaps Yuuki-han was right," I told her. "Perhaps you do need a reprieve from this place."

She smiled, pleased. She looked like she was about to lick her paws.

"I'm happy to hear you say so, kaichou-sama," she grinned, using my title. "Now I just need to wait it out until it's time to go, then off to New York I'll go."

"I presume the arrangements have been made?"

"Oh, yes. Everything's taken care of. Like I said, just the waiting."

"When shall you be leaving?"

"Next week," she replied. "All I really needed was to get your go-signal."

I lifted my eyebrows at that.

"But Yuuki-han is free to do as she chooses. I am simply a friend."

She nodded.

"I wanted to see, just in case you had any gripes with it," she said. "Besides, I wouldn't even be able to do this if not for you."

I picked up my teacup and brought it to my lips, smiling.

"Ara, is it time already for the thank you's?"

She snickered. "Spot-on, Shizuru-sama. Thank you," she said very gravely, before returning to her smirk.

"And, as always, there is no need to mention it, Yuuki-han," I replied, returning my teacup to the table. I smiled. "If anything, at least your short absence will spare me from the daily thank-you's."

"Ah, I wouldn't count on it. I can send a text message, you know."

"True."

She lifted a hand and inspected her nails. "Hooray for technology."

"Before I forget, Yuuki-han. Your mother?"

She nodded at me. "Oh, yeah. Mai said she'd take care of her while I'm gone. She's pretty trustworthy."

"Yes," I agreed. "Mai-han is that."

"I know."

I glanced at my watch.

"You're going somewhere?" she asked me.

"Yes, I'm afraid we shall have to cut this short, Yuuki-han."

She flashed her teeth.

"It's cool," she said. "I know you have to meet Kuga at the café."

I looked at her, studying her face. There was no hint of malice or anything cloaked in the words. If she is an adversary, I reflected, she might even be a worthy one.

"Ara," I replied. "Natsuki told you?"

"Mm, yeah," she hummed. "We were talking about it earlier. She meant to come here with me—you know, save on the cab fare with her bike—but Mai and Mikoto caught up and she stayed behind to talk."

I imagined her sitting behind my Natsuki on the Ducati, holding onto her. I bit my tongue, taking care to keep the pleasant expression on my face.

"Speaking of Mai," she said, eyes widening a little. "I forgot to get my keys back from her. Shit."

She slapped her head, frowning.

"Then perhaps you should come with me," I suggested, wondering if she would accept.

"Yeah, huh, I have to."

We ended up taking a cab to the café, Linden Baum, where Mai-san worked. Natsuki was already waiting for us at a table when we arrived.

"Oh, hey, Nao, you here?" she said, seeing my companion.

I sidled up to the chair beside Natsuki's and slid into it. Leaning over, I kissed her harder than I usually did in public, taking care to open her lips with my tongue. I suppose it was simply me being territorial.

And Natsuki tasted so good.

I drew back and stole a glance at Yuuki-han. She was looking away with a wry smile, albeit politely—which was more than could be said for the rest of the people at the café.

"Shi-Shizuru," Natsuki stammered, after a bit. The poor girl was in danger of having her circulation choked off by all the blood rushing to her face. I giggled, to help bring her back to her senses. She reacted predictably.

"What—what are you doing?" she growled at me, trying to keep her voice down.

"Ara, you did not know?" I asked, feigning surprise.

"Know what?" she snapped.

I leaned forward and assumed my most patient expression, pretending to be explaining something to a child.

"I was kissing Natsuki," I said, enunciating every syllable.

She promptly flared up.

"That's not what I—you—you're impossible. This."

"This?" I lifted an eyebrow.

"This is a public place. They're still looking at me," she complained.

"Of course they are looking at you. Natsuki is so eye-catching."

"I—don't you try to get around me again."

There was a sound of muffled laughter and I turned to Nao-han, who seemed to be making it.

"Oh, goddamn, Kuga," she said, in between snickers. "Just give it up—you don't have a chance."

Natsuki reacted by grumbling to herself instead of me. I smiled at her.

"Hello, hello."

We looked up to see that Mai-han had come over to us, a menu in her hands.

"Good day, Mai-han."

"Good afternoon, Shizuru-san," she answered.

"Hey, Mai, I forgot. My keys?" Yuuki-han asked.

"Oh, yeah. Sorry. Do you want me to go get them now?"

"Yeah, so I can go already."

"Ara," I began, more out of cruelty than courtesy. "Yuuki-han is not joining us?"

I already knew the answer.

"No, thanks. Gotta go to work soon, anyway."

"I see."

"Well, I'll go get them now. Maybe you should order now, Shizuru-san, so that I can pass the orders to the bar while I'm at it."

"Ah, yes, of course, Mai-han. Green tea, if you please."

"I don't know why you even ask, Mai," Natsuki put in. "She never changes the order anyway. Make a memo: if Shizuru comes here, green tea on the double."

We laughed.

"Ikezu," I murmured.

"Natsuki?" Mai-han asked.

"I don't know yet," Natsuki said. She got up. "I'll go with you and see what's available."

Mai-han nodded, then raised her eyebrows at Yuuki-han.

"No, I'm good. Just the keys," Yuuki-han told her.

They left. Yuuki-han and I sat there quietly for a minute or so, before she spoke.

"They're taking a while," she commented.

"Perhaps they are talking to each other."

"Yeah, in other words: Natsuki was caught in Mai's net of endless chatter."

"Ara, Yuuki-han," I replied, letting out a small laugh.

She smirked.

I folded my hands together, before me. It was a warm afternoon, and there were a lot of people going by, singly and in pairs. A band of young men passed by, and I felt their eyes on our table as they went.

"I guess I'll miss this place a little."

I looked at her, saying nothing.

"Hell," she laughed sheepishly. "What's wrong with me?"

"It is natural for Yuuki-han to be feeling that," I conceded.

"Yeah?"

I inclined my head. "Especially since you have people who are…dear to you here."

"Well, Mai's going to take care of her anyway."

"Yes, but I must admit that I was not taking about Yuuki-han's mother."

Her eyes turned to mine. We stared at each other, unblinking.

"My friends," she said.

I held her gaze, feeling a small perversity creeping.

"Yes. And as for the other… I shall be taking care of her, of course," I said, wanting to see how she would react to that.

The small, pretty face slipped, and I saw comprehension in the cracks, before it turned into alarm, then shame. Her lime green eyes widened slightly, as though in the face of an oncoming slap.

So unlike my Natsuki's, I thought.

"I'm sorry," were the first words out of her mouth. I waited as she searched for more. "I didn't mean to."

"I know. It's all right," I replied.

"I didn't mean to."

"It is not Yuuki-han's fault."

She looked away. Her cheeks were flushed, and I felt sorry for her. I waited.

"After everything you've done for me…" she began. I cut her off.

"It is not something you could have helped," I told her, noting her nervous posture, her hands gripping the armrests of the wicker chair she was in. A splinter of wood broke free under the pressure of one sharp thumbnail. For an instant I thought I saw something of the old Yuuki-han, the vindictive one, the true Black Widow, but it vanished as quickly as it came.

"I never tried anything," she said, looking up at me.

I nodded.

"Yuuki-san should not be so worried," I assured her. "I have no intention of telling Natsuki."

Gratitude flickered across the lost features.

"I—I'll stay away from her."

"No," I replied firmly. "There is no need for Yuuki-han to do such a thing. Nor, indeed, is there a need for you to avoid me. You are my friend now, and Natsuki's as well."

I smiled to soften my next words.

"But Yuuki-han must be warned: Natsuki is mine."

Her eyes were bright as she looked at me. She smiled, a little sadly.

"I know."

"I am glad you understand," I said, after a moment. "And do not think I am angry or that I am in any way 'forgiving' you."

I registered alarm on her face, right before I added:

"It is because there is nothing for me to forgive in this case, Yuuki-han. Nor anything to be thankful for, in your position."

Her expression loosened. She nodded.

"But thank you," she whispered.

"Ara," I replied. "I thought we had finished today's quota for that."

She smiled.

"Here they come," she said.

Natsuki and Mai-han walked up to us, the two of them laughing. Mai-han had a tray in her hands.

"Sorry for the wait," she said, as she carefully set a cup of tea from the tray onto our table. "We couldn't find the keys at first."

"With that mess of locker, _naturally_," Natsuki quipped, falling into her seat beside me.

"It wasn't that bad. Besides, Shizuru-san," Mai-han added. "What really made us take so long was that Natsuki here had to get hit on by one of the baristas while she was ordering."

"Shut up," Natsuki snapped. I lifted an eyebrow.

"I hope you watched him while he was making that," Mai-han teased, pointing at Natsuki's coffee. "He might've snuck in a kiss on the cup somewhere."

"Ooh, Kuga, indirect infidelity," Yuuki-han chimed in, slipping easily into her usual demeanor.

I looked at the cup, then at Natsuki, who was blushing terribly, a scowl on her face.

"Ara, Natsuki," I said. "Perhaps you had better drink from my tea instead."

"Shizuru, don't tell me you believe this garbage."

"I would not be inclined to, if Natsuki were not blushing as though she had something to hide."

"I don't. I just—oh!"

Her lips turned up into a lovely pout. Our two companions giggled.

"Does that mean Natsuki does not want to share the same drink with me?" I asked, trying to keep from laughing as well.

"It's not that."

"Then perhaps it would be better if we exchanged drinks. Natsuki shall take my tea and I shall take Natsuki's coffee," I suggested.

"Oh, no way," she exclaimed, frowning. "There's no way in hell I'm letting you get an indirect kiss from a guy."

"Ara. So Natsuki does believe that man did something to her coffee."

She whipped her head to me with a dismayed expression, lips parted mutely. I smiled as Mai-han and Yuuki-han began to laugh.

"Shizuru," she groaned weakly. "I hate you."

I giggled and kissed her cheek. "Natsuki does not mean that."

She gave in and smiled at me, resignation relaxing the delicately hewn features. She shut her eyes and sighed.

"I never learn," she mumbled, eliciting another laugh from the others.

"One of the differences between us," Yuuki-han remarked, making us turn to her as she grinned impishly. "It didn't take me an hour to figure out that you can't win against Shizuru-san."

I smiled at her to show her that I took her meaning. She smiled back, haughty eyebrows wiggling.

"Anyway, folks," she said, rising from her slouch in the chair. "I've got to go now. Mai?"

"Oh, here."

She handed Yuuki-san a set of keys.

"Why did you have her keys anyway?" Natsuki asked, mischievously. "Is something going on between the two of you that I should know about?"

Mai-han stuck her tongue out at Natsuki, childishly.

"I'm watching over her mom while she's in the States," Mai-han explained. "So Nao showed me where everything was in her place earlier, just in case."

"I had to leave halfway and left her to lock up," Yuuki-han said. "But I forgot that I made her hold my keys while I was explaining which one opened what. So she held onto them for me."

Natsuki grinned.

"Looks like your boss isn't the only one getting senile, Yuuki," she said. "And you complain about him all the time."

Yuuki-han snorted. "Yeah, right."

She made her way around the chair and lifted a hand in gesture.

"I'm going now," she said. "Thanks Mai. Later, Natsuki, Shizuru-san."

I smiled at her as Natsuki and Mai-han acknowledged her farewell with theirs. She started off. Mai-han bowed to us and excused herself as well, saying that she had to go to work.

"Say, Shizuru," Natsuki said, as the carrot-haired girl rushed to another table. "When _is_ she leaving, anyway? I forgot to ask her. Nao, I mean."

"Next week," I replied, smiling at the feeling of a hand tentatively brushing over mine. I caught it and laced our fingers together as she blushed charmingly, looking away and trying to assume her usual stern expression.

"Natsuki," I whispered under my breath, letting it roll off my tongue. "My Natsuki."

Slender, slightly roughened fingers tightened around mine in response. I smiled and looked up the street, seeing a red-haired figure still walking away. I watched as she got farther from Natsuki and me. I rather liked her, really, and felt a little sympathy for her, too. Evidently, she led quite a life.

--

--

--


	2. Houstraining

_**Reading Notes for preceding book: "On Widows and Wolves"**_

_Thanks to all the reviewers. _NSKruger_, particularly, gave me advice on Nao's and Mai's honorifics for Shizuru. I edited Mai's (from "sama" to "san") but not Nao's. Out of character, perhaps, but I did warn you beforehand. And besides, this AU works under the premise below:_

_Nao was taken under Shizuru's 'charitable' wing around the time she was 14 and the older girl was 19 (I am setting the age difference at 5). My oneshots are all operating in a period around 3 years after that, so Nao shall appear matured/influenced enough by Shizuru to the extent that her speech is a tad more refined and she has actually developed enough gratitude to address Shizuru with "sama". _

_Nao works as a part-time assistant for a manager in one of the Fujino subsidiaries. Her mother is comatose in a hospital. She was not really asking Shizuru for permission to leave the country (in__ section 4__ of "On Widows…"), so much as informing her of her intentions. Her veiled little joke on asking for a go-signal is merely another wary poke at her indebtedness. Granted, she may be asking Shizuru for input on the matter—perhaps as someone does a mentor—but I do not doubt that, notwithstanding any reservations Shizuru might express, she would do as she deems fit, anyway. Nao seems to me very resolute in her own judgments._

_The lovely _glowie _asked me to clarify more of the circumstances. I am afraid the ones above are the only ones I care to disclose at present—I hope they help, darling. As some here know by now, I operate heavily on the level of subtext and measured (sometimes oblique) revelation. Even the conditions above were supposed to be articulated later, but it is no loss to state them now, I suppose. _

_I failed to make a caveat clear… There are things which shall only be made apparent in later pieces. Each piece _can_ be_ read independently_ of another, _but not exclusively if_ the reader wishes to go beyond the 'narrow thesis/plot' of each piece. If you have ever read the Sandman chronicles of Neil Gaiman, you will understand what I mean when I say each story speaks for itself but ties into the others to form a coherent picture. Each one in this volume develops upon the other—and that is partly why I am collecting them in a __volume__, even while considering each one a __book_

_A confession: I have not yet seen all of Mai-Hime or Otome. I have read the fanfics here as well as data on the show from the internet; and I have watched select scenes from Mai-Hime. I shall watch the entirety when I find the time, but not presently. _

_Anyway, I have two very reliable friends (who have seen both series to the end) giving me input on this story, from character canon to their possible evolution in my context… for instance, you have Nao's being less coarse in speech, and Natsuki being more mature. My using _"han," _the Kyoto-ben equivalent of_ "san" _came from them_. _If you have suggestions/notes that could help in any way, please send me a PM. _

_Oh, and if anyone should feel an irresistible urge to take me to task or flame me for having the gall to write stories for an anime I have not even seen half of, he/she may do so (although I would prefer otherwise)—but I do request politely that he/she sends me PM's in that case, instead of putting it in a review. I apologize now to all who are offended by my daring to do this, but I simply felt that I wanted to try my hand at writing for the wonderful Shiznat pairing and could not wait… I am using this as practice (and amusement), before I get back to finishing my own novel and academic thesis, both of which, sadly, are only half-done._

_Aussi:_

_For those interested, I tried my hand at a sketch of Shizuru and Natsuki recently. It is posted in my deviantart account under the same username._

_--_

_--_

_**Book II**_

_**Housetraining—with two leashes**_

_par ethnewinter_

--

--

_**1**_

--

--

Natsuki Kuga took a shower, scrubbing her long hair with shampoo, then rinsing under the steady, jetted stream of warm water. She was a lean girl, and she looked even leaner stripped than she did in her clothes. She was fair, even with all the hours she spent in the sun, although she expected that to change this summer. Her hair never suffered for it, and she was glad for that. There was no hint of bleaching in the uncompromising black.

She heard a voice in the bedroom and angled her head towards it, wondering if it was calling for her. It was not, and she wondered who else was in the apartment, aside from the two of them.

I should have said good morning before I took a shower, she thought, as she went on with her rituals. But it makes me feel weird doing that, kissing her when she is so clean and perfect and herself, and I am scruffy and cotton-mouthed from sleep. There will be more than enough time to say good morning to her later, after I am done. And there will be more than enough kissing, too.

She pulled on a fresh pair of shorts and a faded gray shirt and stepped out of the bathroom, pressing her hair to dry with her towel. She went to the clothes-basket in the corner and dropped her dirty clothes there, before tilting her head to the door that led to the living room. It was slightly ajar, and she stepped closer to it, hearing voices beyond. She caught the sound of Kyoto-ben, first.

"Yes," the lilting voice came. "Of course."

"So we can count on your support?"

"If that is all, then I have no objections to it."

"Fantastic." A chair scraped against the floor. "I'd better be going, then. We're still setting up."

"Of course."

"Thank you. Really. This is a big, big help."

"I'm glad I can be of assistance."

There was the sound of footsteps and a door opening.

"I shall see you later, then."

"Yes. Oh, we'll be starting at one."

"I shall be there."

"Great. Thanks again. Really."

"Until then."

The sound of the other door shutting prompted Natsuki to open the door in front of her. The figure in the other room turned to the sound.

"Good morning, Natsuki."

"'Morning," she replied. "Who was that, Shizuru?"

"Someone from university, asking me to support their event later."

"Couldn't they have asked you yesterday, instead of so early in the morning?"

Shizuru laughed. The silvery sound thrummed through Natsuki's ears.

"Natsuki only says it's early because she is such a late riser."

"Late?" Natsuki looked at the clock on the wall. "It's ten-forty five, Shizuru. You call that late?"

"Yes," she replied cheerfully.

Natsuki shook her head and started towards the table, seating herself on one of the chairs.

"Why do you get up so early everyday? Your classes start in the afternoon."

"Force of habit, perhaps," Shizuru replied. She set a plate and knife before Natsuki, who thanked her. She seated herself across the table. "And they do say that the early bird gets the worm."

"Thanks," Natsuki replied. "But I think I'll pass on the maggots."

"Or, at least, the early bird gets to watch the worm sleep."

Natsuki looked up. "I'm the worm?"

"Is puppy better?" Shizuru said, innocently.

"Uh, where's the mayo?" Natsuki asked curtly, knowing the other was baiting her. She frowned as a smile spread on her companion's face.

"It's in the fridge." She rose from the chair. "Would you like me to get it?"

"_Yes_," Natsuki said, emphatically. "You know, Shizuru, you've been asking me that question everyday for…like, two weeks now. I always say yes."

Shizuru's smile was even wider when she returned with the jar in her hand. She handed it to Natsuki, who was busy laying some slices of bread on her plate.

"Because I'm waiting for the day Natsuki forgets to ask for it."

Natsuki scoffed. "Like that'll happen." She picked up the knife and began to make her breakfast.

"Ara," Shizuru replied, returning to her seat. "A girl can dream."

"That's a dream, all right."

"Ikezu. _My _dreams have a habit of coming true, just so you know."

Natsuki had finished making one sandwich by now. She lifted it to her mouth and bit into it, letting the flavor steep her taste buds.

"Really," she mumbled, smirking.

"Mm-hm. After all, Natsuki _is_ true, isn't she?"

"Shizuru. That's a terrible pick-up line."

"Then why are you blushing?"

"Because it's a terrible pick-up line," Natsuki grumbled, turning to her sandwich as Shizuru giggled shamelessly.

"What does Natsuki plan to do today?"

"Eh?"

"It is the first day of your vacation, after all."

"Don't know." Natsuki took another bite and chewed thoughtfully, then asked: "What do you think?"

"Asking me for suggestions?" Shizuru said. "Because I do have… _something_ in mind." She paused for effect and then said gleefully: "Ara, ara, Natsuki is blushing again?"

Natsuki glared at her. She seized the empty mug next to her plate and filled it from the milk bottle on the table.

"Oh my god, Shizuru," she said, after draining the cup. "Can't you think of anything but that?"

"Of what?"

"Of wha_—you_ should know!"

Shizuru put a finger to her cheek, adopting her 'musing pose' as Natsuki called it.

"Ara, perhaps Natsuki did not understand me," she said. "What was Natsuki thinking of?"

"If you want me to say it, fine. Sex! There!"

"Ara!" Shizuru cried, her entire face lighting up. "Can't Natsuki think of anything but that?"

There was silence as the other realized what had happened.

"I hate you," Natsuki mumbled, after a while.

Shizuru chuckled, earning another glower. "But just so it is clear, Natsuki, I am glad we are on the same wavelength."

"Shut up," Natsuki groaned. "I think I'll go for a bike."

"Would you like me to come with you?"

"Uh, I was going to take the bicycle. I mean, for exercise."

"Ah. I see."

"But if you want to come for a ride, I guess I could use the Ducati," Natsuki began.

"No, it's all right. You should go for your daily work-out. I can finish some work in the meantime." She smiled, watching Natsuki make another sandwich. "What would Natsuki like for lunch?"

"Mayo?" Natsuki offered, grinning as she took a bite.

They smiled at each other.

"I was actually thinking of nikujaga."

"Can I put mayo in that?" the other wondered aloud.

"I'm sure you will try," Shizuru sighed, reaching to fill Natsuki's cup for her this time. "Nothing has ever stopped you before."

Natsuki laughed, finishing her breakfast. She took another drink of milk and stood up, telling Shizuru that she was going to get ready. She went into the bedroom to brush her teeth and put on a sports bra underneath her shirt. She remembered to put her keys in her pocket. After tying her hair into a ponytail, she went back to the living room.

"I'm going," she said.

Shizuru was waiting for her.

"What time will Natsuki be back?" she asked.

"Uh, I dunno." She looked at the time. "Twelve-thirty? One?"

"Then I shall accompany you downstairs."

"Shizuru, you don't have to."

"But I want to," Shizuru replied smoothly, coming forward to take Natsuki's arm. "And I might have left by the time you return, so I want to make the most of it while you are here."

"That's silly, since you live here now."

"Natsuki doesn't want me to accompany her?"

Shizuru was beginning to pout. It always worked.

"No—I mean, yes—yes, I want you to come with me downstairs," Natsuki replied, giving in.

It was only at the parking lot behind their building that Shizuru let go of Natsuki's arm so that the girl could mount her bicycle. Natsuki set a foot on a pedal and braced herself by setting the other on the ground, preparing to say goodbye.

"Ara," Shizuru began suggestively. "What a good-looking motor you have on that bike."

Natsuki laughed. Shizuru smiled at her, even rows of teeth flashing in the daylight.

That's weird, Natsuki thought, briefly. You'd think they wouldn't be so white with all that tea she drinks, but they always are.

"Natsuki likes _that_ pick-up line, apparently," Shizuru said to her.

"Maybe."

"Then, _maybe_ Natsuki should give me a kiss for the effort."

Instead of waiting for Natsuki to do this, however, she stepped close and began to kiss the girl softly, putting her arms around her. She let Natsuki return the kiss before pulling away with a sigh.

"The longer that goes on, the harder it is to see my Natsuki go," she said theatrically.

"You make it sound like I'm going to another country." She paused, feeling something that had slipped her mind flutter back. "Hey, Shizuru."

"Yes?"

"Isn't Nao leaving this week?"

Shizuru nodded. She added, after a few seconds: "On Thursday."

Now, what was that gap for, wondered Natsuki. I may be thick, but I know her well enough by now to see when something means more than it looks, and that pause meant something. Now the only problem is, knowing it doesn't mean I understand it.

She decided to leave that train of thought for a while and returned to the previous one, resuming the conversation.

"We're playing leaving party at the airport, right?" she asked.

"Yes." Shizuru folded her arms. "Unless Natsuki would prefer not to? It is an early flight."

"No, that's cool. That brat will hold it over my head if I don't come and Mikoto and Mai do."

"They are seeing Yuuki-han off, too?"

"Yeah. They said so." She grinned. "Midori wants to come, but knowing that drunkard, she won't be sober enough to get out of bed on the day itself."

"Ikezu, Natsuki," Shizuru replied. She was smiling, though. "Enjoy your ride. And take care."

Natsuki prepared to leave.

"Natsuki."

"What?"

"I love you."

She lifted the foot on the ground and started to push off, not looking at Shizuru as she answered shortly.

"Love you, too. Bye."

Then she was off, pedaling slowly at first, then gradually working up the intensity. She eased herself into it first, giving her body time to warm up. Her mind worked, too, while she was at it. This was her time to think.

She thought about how she had said goodbye to Shizuru and how she still found it difficult to say those words sometimes. They always came more easily to the older girl. Sometimes she was worried that Shizuru would think she did not mean them because of the way she said them, and then she would feel terrible and awkward. Sometimes she would be afraid that Shizuru would get tired of her awkwardness, one day. The thought made her pedal faster.

Don't be stupid, she told herself. You know she understands you better than anyone else, and she knows you're trying. She is willing to put up with your stupidity and awkwardness and terrible way with words, and you should stop questioning that about her. She's not leaving you because she never has.

And that's part of what makes me more awkward, she thought to herself. That's part of the old stupidity I had and feel guilty for.

Natsuki pedaled furiously, up a hill, and then she let go of her thoughts and focused on the cycling. The guilt started to drain away with the sweat, and then she was just a machine, perfectly certain of what she was doing. She went like this for a while, until the sun became too hot and her exposed skin was starting to prickle. Then she turned and headed back.

Later, she left her bike in the parking lot and went up to their apartment, pulling at her shirt and feeling the hot skin cool when parted from the damp cotton. She came in and called. There was no answer. She stripped her shirt impatiently and went to the kitchen. Her hair clung to her back wetly as she walked.

She felt lonely on times like this. She knew the other girl would come back, eventually, but that only intensified the impatience because it gave her a point to look forward to. She would spend the day waiting and feeling dull, until a certain voice in Kyoto-ben would break the silence. Then she would smile and pretend she had been busy all day, or lazing around without a care in the world.

She would rather not be lonely, if it were possible. But she was had made her peace with loneliness because it reminded her that there was someone who could take that away and would. It was a facet of their being together, she felt, that she would feel lonely with their being apart.

There was a note on the fridge and she read it: _The food is in the fridge, in the red container. Put it in the microwave. I'll be back by six. Love you._ It was written in a precise, neat hand, and in English. Natsuki sighed. Shizuru was trying to accustom her to the language, to help her studies. The truth was, Natsuki did speak it fairly well, but sometimes she would hesitate over it—unlike Shizuru, who spoke and wrote it like a native.

Another thing that comes to her more easily, she thought.

She opened the fridge and found the container. She washed her face and hands before preparing lunch, and ate quickly, so that she could take a bath afterwards. She did not forget to use mayonnaise. After washing the dishes in the sink, she opened the fridge again and took out a bottle of Gatorade. Something caught her eye, and she stopped.

--

_**2**_

--

Shizuru Fujino wanted to go home. She was as eager to begin her vacation as anyone else, but, as head of the student council, she had a few more things to do before she could leave. One of them was entertaining last-minute requests for accreditation from newly-formed university organizations.

"I see," she told the man before her. "We have submitted the application. Rest assured that all the preparations and paperwork should be accomplished in two weeks' time."

He gaped. "Two weeks! But—it's vacation. They can't be doing anything else for them to take that long."

She nodded calmly.

"But we want to get this done quickly—for the sponsorships. Two weeks… why, _the world_ was created in less than one!"

"That is true," she agreed. "And see how it turned out."

There were muffled laughs from the other council officers.

"Please forgive us for this delay, if it inconveniences you," she continued, smiling apologetically. "But we are also taking care of other petitions, and I am afraid we must give priority to those who came first. Usually, your case should take about three weeks, but I confess I asked them to move it up the list for your sake."

"Oh," he said, dumbly. He scratched his head for a while. "Well. Then I'm very much obliged, kaichou-sama. I'm sorry—I had no idea how busy you were."

"Think nothing of it, Murakami-han. We are always happy to accommodate you."

"Thank you, kaichou. I'll be going then."

"Of course. Have a good day."

After he had let himself out, she sighed.

"Murakami-han is ever the same," she murmured. "He always forces me to lie about privileging him."

"He's an impatient guy," her vice-president replied. "You should see him drive. An accident waiting to happen, I tell you."

Shizuru smiled at her old friend.

_And_ old vice-president, she added, to herself. After all, he had been her subordinate officer during high-school, too.

"I'm sure he would cover the distance from here to the bay in thirty minutes," he went on.

"Traffic?" the secretary asked.

"Sure. Murakami-san would plow through anything," he laughed. "Except for Shizuru-san," he added, smiling at Shizuru.

"Ara, Reito-han."

"Isn't Murakami's car an Evo?" asked one of the aides arranging the papers on the table. "That'll help. It's pretty fast."

"It's okay," the secretary answered. "My Z-8 can make it from our place to here in, what, twenty? I leave at eleven and I'm typically here way before eleven-thirty."

Shizuru resisted the urge to smirk at this discussion. Men and their cars, she thought to herself. What is it with them that they must invest their machismo in a machine?

"That is nothing compared to my Natsuki's bike," she ventured. "Especially when she comes to pick me up—perhaps even faster than your twenty minutes, Shinta-han."

They looked at her.

"Well…" Shinta began, tentatively. "The distance from here to the academy is only about five minutes, Shizuru-san."

"Yes," she agreed, striking her trademark pose. "But Natsuki arrives here at three-forty five."

She grinned before going on.

"And her classes end at four."

They laughed.

"I knew there was a punch line," Shinta said.

"How prescient of Shinta-han," Shizuru laughed.

"How is Kuga-san?" asked Reito.

"Wonderful."

"And the apartment?"

"You may come for a visit sometime, and see, if you wish."

He laughed. "Why does that scare me?"

"Are you kidding?" the aide, Goro, commented. "An invitation to see how two of the prettiest girls around live. Lu-ucky."

They laughed again.

"You haven't met Kuga-san yet," Reito told him. "She can be quite scary."

"Really? But she's so pretty," Goro replied, following with a quick: "Just an observation, kaichou-sama."

She smiled and continued signing the forms before her, listening to the conversation.

"Some people think she's scary partly because she is so pretty," Reito laughed. "But it's more of her coming off… cold, I think. She's very intimidating."

"Like Shizuru-san?" Shinta asked.

"Well, in a different way."

"She never talks to anyone but Shizuru, when she comes here."

"See?"

"Yeah."

"What I'd really like to know is how they manage to get along at home," Reito laughed. "Our kaichou here is a neat-freak and from what I've heard about Natsuki from Mai, she's quite the opposite."

Shizuru smiled at him. "Ara, we get along."

"Housetraining?" he asked, eyes glinting mischievously.

"Of course."

He laughed again. "How I wish I had been there to help when you moved in with Kuga-san. It must have been so entertaining."

She giggled, remembering something.

"What I remember most is the milk," she told them.

They looked at her questioningly.

"Milk?" Shinta prompted.

She nodded and began to explain.

"It was after I had settled in. I was going to fetch something to drink, from the fridge, and Natsuki asked me to get her a glass of milk as well. She told me that there were three kinds. She asked for sweetened milk and said that I could find it easily because the bottles were labeled."

She lifted her shoulders with a sigh as she continued.

"I looked in the fridge, but could not seem to find them."

"Where were they?" asked Goro.

"In the fridge," she laughed. "But Natsuki failed to tell me that the labels she stuck to the bottles were those stickers—the ones they gave out at the gas stations sometime ago, I think. So instead of sweetened, non-fat, and chocolate, the bottles were actually labeled: premium, unleaded, and diesel. It fit."

They laughed.

"Holy shit," Goro cried, bending over in his seat. "That's priceless."

"Biker girls rule," Shinta managed to get out, before cracking up again.

"Speaking of biker girls," Reito began, looking out of the window. "It appears our laughter has conjured one up."

Shizuru looked up and saw the figure parking the bike, outside.

"Go ahead, Shizuru-san," Reito told her. "You might as well."

"Ara, but it would not be fair to the rest of you."

"We can handle the rest," Shinta argued. "The kaichou needs a vacation, too."

Goro nodded.

"Ara, thanks to all of you. If you are sure you will be fine—"

"Sure, we're sure," Shinta answered. "Now stop keeping that hot biker girl waiting, kaichou," he reprimanded, in an annoyed schoolmarm voice.

Shizuru laughed and picked up her things before saying goodbye to them. She walked out, and Natsuki was standing there, waiting for her. She came over and kissed the girl without hesitation.

Natsuki knew that the other people inside the student council room were probably watching, and the thought made her blush, but she did not complain or pull away. Shizuru's exhibitionist possessiveness amused her sometimes, even if she would not admit it.

And it doesn't hurt that she's such a good kisser, she thought.

"Ara, this is a nice surprise," Shizuru said, afterwards. "I thought Natsuki would wait for me at home."

"Couldn't wait," she mumbled. "Uh, I mean, I was bored."

She handed Shizuru the other helmet as they got onto the Ducati.

"Did Natsuki miss me?"

She paused before starting up the engine.

"Yeah."

They roared away.

--

_**3**_

--

The next day, it was Shizuru woke up first, again. She smiled wryly to herself, because she did not need to keep this schedule anymore—her vacation had begun. But her body clock was stubborn, and it would take some doing.

Not that I'm complaining, she thought. It is nice to see Natsuki sleeping, at least. It is even better to wake up in her arms, because that is something I have wanted for so long. I should make the most of it, now that it is true. She thought I was just teasing her when we were talking about dreams yesterday, but I was serious, too. Now I do not have to wake _from _but _to_ the dream.

She gently disengaged herself from the sleeping girl and stood up. She wanted to make some tea. It was while she was heating the water that she noticed the note she had left on the fridge. There was something under what she had written and she read it, recognizing Natsuki's lazy scrawl. The words _Why is there negi_ were printed across the paper, punctuated by a very large question mark. She giggled. At least she asked in English, she noted.

The kettle whistled and she began to make herself a cup of tea, sighing as she reflected on the other girl's extreme suspicion for spring onions. Ever since that little joke I played on her, she thought. I wonder if I traumatized her with it?

She took her tea to the table, sipping at it as she mused on how her life had changed. Overall it has changed very nicely, she decided. She remembered that day, the tenth of July, when Natsuki asked if she wanted to move in with her. They had been seeing each other romantically for a while by then, but it still surprised Shizuru when Natsuki suggested it.

But Natsuki was surprised as well, she reflected. I do not know if she had planned to say it, but the moment the words were out, she turned that lovely shade of red and stood stock-still. I finally pulled myself together and said yes. She was so still that I was afraid she would say it was just a joke, but then she kissed me and that was better than anything she could have said. Unless she said "I love you", of course—but she did later, anyway, so everything was perfect. I was happy.

Her idea of happiness, too, had changed. Before Natsuki came, she had been happy and she had learned how to live without becoming lonelier than she could bear; but then she met Natsuki and that had been broken up. Then she had seen the routine for what it was: a pleasant schedule of working hard; of places to keep things neatly in; of looking forward to meals with enough excitement that they were enjoyable, but not so missing them would be a disappointment; of humoring those who wanted to be around her as she went along. It had many of the inventions that lonely people use to help themselves and lose their loneliness by rules and customs to which they adhere almost unconsciously. But then she met Natsuki and she _knew_ she was lonely.

You should not think about that anymore, she reproached herself. Those days are over, and now you are happy again. Natsuki is yours and you are not lonely. The only way you would ever be is if something took her from you, but that will never happen because you will never let it, and neither will she.

She smiled as she stood up and brought the empty teacup to the sink. It is pretty to be able to think that, she thought, washing the cup. It is pretty to be certain that you love someone and that you will always be loyal to her in that way, but it is even prettier to be certain that she will be loyal to you as well. And my Natsuki is loyal unto death.

That is a funny thing to think, she thought. Because the day I met her was the day I loved her, and that was the day I died. She would not understand it if I told her, but she knows it already, perhaps: that there is no longer any existence of me apart from her. Everything I am is for her; it no longer belongs to the Self who was Fujino Shizuru; and that is a kind of death. But it is the best kind, and if there is a Heaven, then this is it.

She dried her hands on the towel and smirked as she pulled out one of the drawers in the counter. She took out a pen and proceeded to write something on the note on the fridge.

Now I have to take a bath, she thought. I want to be fresh for my Natsuki when she wakes up, because I want to start our day feeling that I could be deserving of her.

--

_**4**_

--

When Natsuki woke up, she went to look for Shizuru first, before taking a shower. The elder girl was already ensconced in their couch, watching TV. She looked up when Natsuki approached.

"Did you sleep well?" she asked.

"Yeah. What's that?"

"International news."

"What about?"

She reached for Natsuki's hand as the girl sat beside her. Natsuki yawned and put her head on Shizuru's shoulder.

"Natsuki is still sleepy?"

"Nah." She looked at the image onscreen. "Terrorist attack. Huh."

"Yes."

"Another one."

Shizuru nodded. "Awful, isn't it?"

"I'm practically used to it by now."

"Ara. Natsuki sounds so indifferent."

"Well, it's practically the same thing every week. A new one somewhere."

"That is true," she replied. "Have you ever heard of compassion fatigue?"

"No." She paused. "I don't think I've heard it in class."

"Ara, Natsuki _listens_ in class?"

"Shizuru. What is it?"

She giggled and went on.

"Compassion fatigue is when people become apathetic to what is happening to others, even when they see evidence of suffering in—for instance—the news. A terrible thing, Natsuki, when we have reached the point of being able to look at people dying without feeling anything… This sounds like a speech. I'll stop."

"No," Natsuki said, sitting up. "Don't stop. I'm listening."

She liked it when Shizuru talked to her like this, because she liked to know how the other girl's mind worked. She found it interesting, and often educational.

"Well then," Shizuru said. "Of course we are not the only ones to blame for it. There is also the fact that the media often present the news to us in the same way, the same style. Most TV channels, for instance, source their videos from one or two associations who specialize in getting footage for that purpose. So four or even five channels will have the same video for the same event, and that aids the process of people becoming bored with the news. They think they have seen it already, so there's no need to pay close attention anymore."

"But they don't think that way with, uh, the first channel. I mean, its their first time to see the video—the thing."

"Perhaps. But it is easy for them to slide back into unconcern. After all, the media regularly follow a formula for presenting a topic. For instance, it was a few years back that the talk of the town was the famine in Somalia."

"That's in Africa, right?"

"Yes. And the media presented it effectively enough to make people react by sending food, supplies, funds—they elicited compassion, in other words."

"Okay."

"Well, ever since, there has been a trend to portray famine in the news the same way as the Somali case was portrayed… because, the media producers reason, that way worked before. But they have not had the same results."

Natsuki nodded. "Because people think it's the same thing?"

"Indeed. The same thing all over again. They want something new. That old famine problem is boring, a deja vu, so they go, and compassion fatigue sets in once more."

Natsuki looked thoughtful, then grinned crookedly. "So it's like what I said earlier, don't you think? That I—no, we're practically used to it by now."

"Yes." Shizuru smiled and kissed her cheek. "Ara, my communication studies are getting to me… Sorry for being so serious this early in the day."

"Ah!" Natsuki cried exultantly, startling Shizuru. "It's eleven AM. So you _admit _that this is still early."

Shizuru blinked. She started laughing.

"Ara, ara," she said. "Ikezu!"

Then she asked if Natsuki did not want to eat yet.

"Wait," Natsuki smirked. "I'm still savoring this moment."

Her mouth quirked in response.

"So this is how it feels to win an argument," Natsuki sighed smugly. "I could get used to this."

Shizuru smiled.

"All right," she said. "It would be poor of me not to let Natsuki have her little victories."

"What's for lunch?"

"Curry."

They got up and Shizuru switched off the TV.

"I already set the table," Shizuru told her. "What would you like to drink?"

"No, you sit. I'll get the drinks. What do you want?"

"Thank you. Water, please."

"Okay."

Natsuki went into the kitchen and took a pitcher of water from the fridge. She was turning to leave with it when she noticed that Shizuru had written something new on the note stuck to the refrigerator. She set the water on the counter and read it. The note now went, beginning from her first message to Shizuru:

_Why is there negi_

The answer was in English, again.

_I am afraid I cannot explain precisely why it exists. Surely it has a purpose in the scheme of things._

She shook her head and took the pen from the drawer in the counter. She wrote: _Why is the negi __in the fridge_ Then, she picked up the pitcher and carried it to the other room.

--

_**5**_

--

They had just finished lunch when they received a call from Mai, asking if they wanted to come over for a swim in the pool with her and Mikoto. Mai's condominium was in a building that had a pool on the deck. They agreed.

They came over and found the other two girls already in the water. Mikoto waved madly at them, splashing water at Mai, who climbed out of the pool. They greeted each other as the new arrivals divested themselves of their clothing, revealing that they already had their bathing suits on, underneath.

"Ara," Shizuru exclaimed. "We forgot to bring suntan lotion."

They looked up at the blazing sun.

"We have some," Mai answered. "But maybe I should get the other tube. This one is almost out."

"Where is it? Your apartment?" asked Natsuki.

"Yeah."

"C'mon, let's get it."

"Okay." Mai smiled at Shizuru. "Maybe you should get in the water, Shizuru-san, so you don't get roasted while you wait."

"Of course. I can keep Mikoto-kun company."

The two wrapped towels around themselves and set off.

"I would've thought Yuuichi would be here," Natsuki remarked as she pressed the lift button.

"Oh. No."

"What does that mean?"

"What?"

"Don't pretend you're stupid," she returned, raising an eyebrow.

Mai sighed.

"We're having some problems," she explained. "_He'_s being stupid."

"Isn't that just the way he is?"

She winced, laughing, as the redhead punched her arm.

"Yeah," Mai continued. "I just can't stand him sometimes."

"What did he do?"

"Just something."

"Eh."

The lift opened and they got in. Mai pressed the button for the 14th floor.

"What's it like, living with Shizuru-san?" she asked.

Natsuki took a few seconds before answering.

"Interesting."

"Good interesting or bad interesting."

She smiled. "Good, naturally."

"I'd imagine she teases you something terrible all the time."

Natsuki sighed. "Ninety percent of it, anyway."

Mai laughed. The lift opened onto their floor and they got out, making their way to Mai's door. She opened it with her keys, and Natsuki looked around.

"It's even messier than when I used to be your roommate."

"Mikoto."

"Ah."

"Anyway," Mai said, as she rummaged through a drawer. "Who are you to talk? I've seen your apartment and it's practically on a level with this."

Natsuki gave her a superior smile.

"Not anymore, Tokiha."

"What do you—oh, I see." She smiled, too. "Did Shizuru-san clean it up for you or did she make you do it?"

Natsuki's smile faded.

"Funny you should ask," she muttered. Mai laughed.

"I really should get her pointers on how to tame wild beasts," she told Natsuki, making her scowl.

"Shut it."

"Gosh, where did I—I can't find the stupid thing here." She moved to another cabinet and started looking through it.

"What a mess you are," Natsuki teased. "You'll have to clean this all up before you ask Yuuichi to move in with you."

Mai stopped, looking over her shoulder. "What makes you think I'd ask him to do that?"

"You wouldn't?"

"No."

Natsuki furrowed her brow, thinking about it. "Why not? It can't be Mikoto. She can still come over and all. Just less often."

"Oh, no, that's not it."

"So what is it?"

Mai scraped around the clutter in the cabinet for a while, then made a small sound of victory. She pulled out a tube of suntan lotion and walked over to Natsuki, beckoning to her that they should return.

"It's just that I don't think I could stand him, all the time," she said, as they waited for the lift. "Honestly, he gets on my nerves in just five minutes when we're together. Imagine how stressed out I'd be." She grinned. "He's like a grain of sand in my oyster."

Natsuki laughed. "Ruins your world, huh?"

"It's more like him getting under my skin and being irritating."

"And the result is a pretty little pearl?"

"No. An ulcer."

They laughed.

Natsuki hummed to herself. "Is that why you asked how Shizuru and I were doing?"

"Yes."

They fell into a thoughtful silence.

"It's different, I guess," Mai resumed.

"Yeah." Natsuki shut one eye and squinted. "I think it's because I like Shizuru."

Mai gave her a funny face. "Um, I think we've all established that."

"No, idiot," Natsuki replied, frowning. "I mean I like Shizuru aside from, you know—uh—loving her."

She flushed lightly as she said this, but Mai chose not to comment on it. Instead, she asked: "Isn't that the same thing?"

Natsuki shook her head. "I don't think so."

"How?"

"I mean… uh, like, you love Yuuichi, don't you?"

"Yes." She lifted an eyebrow.

"Well, it doesn't mean you _like_ him."

Mai tilted her head.

"I like the things Shizuru does, too," Natsuki said, wondering if she could explain further. "And the way she is. It's like—shit, how do I say this—it's how I feel _about _her. It's different from how I feel _for _her."

Mai smiled. "Okay. I see it now."

"Eh, good."

"Natsuki…"

"Mm?"

She smiled. "Since when did you get deep?"

"Shut up."

The doors to the lift parted and revealed an adolescent with pimply skin and baggy clothes. His eyes visibly widened at the sight of the two girls in towels.

Great, Natsuki thought, almost rolling her eyes. Pre-teen in the proximity.

She tossed her hair. "Let's go, Mai."

They got on and tried not to notice the boy practically come from excitement.

--

_**6**_

--

They went home still worrying the argument. Natsuki, in particular, refused to let it go.

"It can't have been your first time," she insisted, vehemently. "Liar."

"But it was," Shizuru replied, still amused. "It was my first time."

"No one does it that well the first time."

"Then how will Natsuki explain to me why she _did it_ so well, if that was really her first time?"

"It wasn't my first time—you know I was in the diving club."

"Ara, but I am not speaking of diving." She smiled. "At least, not into a pool."

There was a pause. She waited for it to sink in.

"That's different!" Natsuki nearly screamed, blushing furiously. "We're not talking about that!"

"Ara, ara. I was simply drawing a parallel example with Natsuki's logic."

"Don't change the subject."

Shizuru sighed in reply and sat on the armrest of the couch.

"How can you dive so well just like that? It—it's just impossible," Natsuki said. "It's just crazy."

Shizuru reached for her and drew her into her arms, embracing the standing girl.

"I was watching my Natsuki when she did it," she told her. "So I had enough to go on to be able to do it. I am glad that Natsuki thinks I did it well."

Natsuki grunted.

"Still," she told Shizuru. "It's not normal, what you can do."

Shizuru lifted a questioning eyebrow, looking up.

"Everything comes too easily to you," Natsuki said, frowning.

"Why would Natsuki think that?"

"Because it's true."

"Is it?"

"You know it is."

Shizuru stood up to level with her.

"That is not true," she said. "The things that matter do not come easily to me at all."

"Yeah? Like what?"

"Ara," was the reply, with a pointed look. "Natsuki should know."

She watched comprehension dawn on Natsuki's face, smiling.

"I—I'll just get a drink," Natsuki said, after a while. "Do you, uh, want something?"

"No, thank you." She turned and headed for the bedroom. "I shall run a bath for us, all right?"

When she had gone, Natsuki went to the kitchen and thought about what Shizuru had said.

Stupid, she thought. The thing is, it's true. So I can't really say anything about it. All I can do is be here and hope that this is enough to begin to say sorry for all that flak I put her through before. I don't think it is, but I hope it is. Why did I have to be so thick, back then? Dammit.

She sighed and reached for the fridge. Her eyes fell upon the note still stuck there, and she read it. There was a reply to her last question. It said: _It is there to keep it fresh longer. _

Natsuki glared at the paper. Well, I did ask why it was in the fridge, she conceded grudgingly. Right, she thought. This has gone long enough. She's not going to tell me what it's for so I might as well end this.

She considered ripping off the note and throwing it into the wastebin, but changed her mind halfway. She searched for a pen and wrote out a reply. She nodded at the words, checking her English.

She likes to give me a hard time, she mused. But it is nothing compared to what I gave her. So I don't mind playing along with it. I think I would play along with it even if the guilt from back then wasn't here. But it's here now, so thinking about that doesn't really matter.

Afterwards, she opened the fridge and reached for a can of grapefruit juice. She was opening it when Shizuru appeared in the doorway.

"The bath is ready, Natsuki," she said.

"Okay." She drank from the can and walked over to Shizuru, offering it. She took it and drank delicately. When she was done, she handed it back to Natsuki. Her bottom lip was slick with some of the juice and Natsuki watched as her tongue darted out to lick it. Natsuki unconsciously mirrored the action.

"Mm," Shizuru smiled. "It tastes like Natsuki."

Natsuki put the can on the counter and surprised her with a kiss. She smiled wonderingly afterwards, watching Natsuki finish her drink.

"Ara," she said. "What was that for?"

Natsuki tossed the can into the wastebin. She moved up close to the other girl, who drew her into her arms. She hummed into Shizuru's hair. It smelled of the sun and chlorine from the pool, and of Mai's brand of suntan lotion. She burrowed her nose into it, and the other giggled.

"My Natsuki is being very affectionate today," Shizuru teased. "Perhaps I should get more of that grapefruit juice."

Natsuki pressed her face deeper into her hair, in reply. Shizuru smiled and let a few seconds pass, as she brought her hands up to Natsuki's hair.

"Someone wrote that what one obtains too cheap, one values too lightly," she murmured. "And I value my Natsuki above everything else."

"Shizuru," came the muffled voice.

"Although I am worried sometimes that Natsuki values mayo more than me."

"Shut it," she said, pulling back to look at her. She licked her lips, eyes half-lidded. "Let's go… take a bath."

Shizuru laughed.

--

_**7**_

--

When Natsuki opened her eyes the next morning, Shizuru was already out of bed, as usual. However, the sounds in the bathroom told her that the other girl was still in the shower—something that was usually finished by the time Natsuki awoke. Natsuki looked at the clock. It was only ten minutes after ten, and she groaned.

It looks like I'm the one adjusting my schedule, she thought to herself. Which is stupid because it's vacation and there is no reason for us to be getting up before twelve. I mean, who wakes up before twelve on vacation?

She yawned and stretched on the bed, curling the sheets beneath her. She considered the possibilities of going back to sleep, but decided they were slim. Sighing resignedly, she stood up and padded her way out of the bedroom to watch TV.

She went to the kitchen first, to get some food. She stood before the fridge and scanned the note, rubbing her eyes when she realized that something had been added to it. It was a reply to her last exasperated message, which had been:

_Fine, dont tell me. Just keep it away from me if youre going to use it. I dont want to know what for._

Underneath it was written, in very, _very_ neat handwriting:

_Ara, never end a sentence with a preposition._

She blinked for a few seconds.

"Shizuru," she muttered. "I hate you."

She was smiling.

--

--

--


	3. Shall We Start?

_**Reading Notes: Housetraining**_

_Thanks to all the reviewers. I'm afraid there was a bit of a misunderstanding in the previous chapter that I hinted at Mai and Mikoto having a romantic relationship, but I admit that I did not intend anything of the sort. If, however, the reader wishes to draw that from the text, that is certainly his/her prerogative… (though I simply thought to caution you that I don't see that pairing coming on, for now)._

--

--

_**Book III**_

_**Shall We Start?**_

_par ethnewinter_

_--_

_--_

_**1**_

_--_

"Shall we start?"

"Um. Okay."

"There is no need to be so nervous."

"Yeah, okay."

"But then, again, Natsuki is a virgin, so—"

"Yeah, o-what?!"

Shizuru laughs, covering her mouth. "It's true, isn't it? Natsuki has never done this before… at least, not successfully."

"Not succ—don't put it like that!"

She puts her hand away and smiles at me. "Ara, are we sensitive about that?"

"About wha—no, stop it. Please. Just teach me, okay?"

"As you wish." She turns to the table and picks something, then holds it up to me. "Let us begin with this. This. Is an onion."

I nod. "I've read about them."

Her lips quirk, and so do mine.

"Very good," she says. "Now, this is one of the most important things in cooking. Cooking is about personal technique, certainly, but it is also about the universal art of sautéing."

"Okay."

"Do you know what sautéing is?"

I roll my eyes, but answer anyway. "Putting food in with things like onions and heating them quickly, with oil."

"Ara," she grins. "Did you read about that, too?"

I did, actually, but I'm not about to admit that.

"Shut up."

"How am I going to teach Natsuki if I do that?"

I throw my hands up in exasperation. She's been waiting for this, but I can't stop myself. She's just so impossible.

"Shizuru," I say. "Shizuru."

She laughs and puts on her most apologetic face.

"All right," she says. "Since Natsuki said my name so prettily. Now. Now, we're going to start by sautéing."

She proceeds to show me how to do it, and makes me do the stirring after a bit. She moves on to the next step, explaining things to me as she does. I do as she asks, wondering if I'll be able to remember this when she's not here.

I don't know why I'm such a genius at forgetting this stuff. I bet that by the time we're done cooking all I'll remember is how graceful she is when she moves around in the kitchen. It's her fault. She's distracting me.

At least it gives me a good excuse for a lot of things, that thing about her. Like: _I couldn't do my homework because you were so distracting_; or _I forgot what I was going to say because you were so distracting_; or, for the situation I can see coming up, _I couldn't focus on your cooking lessons because you were so distracting_.

"Well, that's it," she says, breaking through my thoughts. "Now all we need to do is wait for a while and keep stirring it."

"Oh?" I look at the pan. "That was fast."

"See?"

"Yeah. Wow." I look at her. "What?"

The smile on her face turns into a sly grin. "You will not remember any of this later, will you?"

"What are you talking about? Sure I'll remember," I retort quickly, cursing my stupid tongue afterwards.

"Indeed."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

She folds one arm across her waist and muses. That's not a good sign.

"So Natsuki is confident that she has absorbed the lesson?"

I lift my eyebrow, deciding it's best not to say anything (too bad I didn't do that earlier). She tilts her head to one side and smiles expectantly at me, daring me to answer. Or not to answer.

"I think I've got it pretty much down," I say, finally.

_Idiot._

She lights up.

"Ara, wonderful," she says cheerfully. "Then shall we put it to the test tomorrow? I will supervise, of course. But Natsuki shall do most of the work; to flaunt her new culinary knowledge."

Oh, shit. I knew it.

"Ah," I answer, thinking fast. "I don't mind doing that, but, um, that's too early, don't you think?"

"Early? But I thought Natsuki said she had learned most of it?"

"Um, yeah. But… like, we have this dish now, for lunch. If we have this… yakiudon… for tomorrow too, that's silly. Why don't we do that another day?"

She moves her finger from her cheek to her lips and speaks around it.

"But Natsuki need not eat it tomorrow, if that is the case. I can make something else for you. As for myself, I do not mind—anything made by my Natsuki shall be marvelous, I am sure."

Marvelously deadly is more like it, I think. Before I can say anything—or think of something to say—she moves to my side and peers into the pot on the stove.

"Ara, the food is ready," she tells me. "We had better eat it while it's hot."

In a few minutes, we are seated at the table and eating happily. I tell her it's good and she smiles, pleased.

"It's too bad we didn't put meat in," I tell her. "That'd make it even better, I think."

"Natsuki really must learn to eat more healthy food, so I decided to cook this without meat."

"Meat _is_ healthy."

"Indeed, but only in moderation," she sighs. "And Natsuki is not very moderate about her eating habits. Witness the mayo, for example."

"What, since you can't get me to give up mayo you're going to try to turn me into a vegan?"

"Ara, wouldn't that be something?" she chuckles, eyes crinkling up. "Would you consider it?"

I scowl at that. "I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to become a vegetarian."

She laughs and I smile at her. Then I remember something.

"Hey, Shizuru," I begin, coolly. "I'm going to Mai's karaoke thing later. You're coming, right?"

I look up to see her smiling in a way that tells me she knows exactly why I'm saying this. _Oh, to hell with it._ I drop the charade and meet her eyes, trying to telegraph a plea with my eyebrows.

"Ara," she says. "I thought Natsuki did not like karaoke."

"Try saying that to Mai," I sigh.

She giggles. "Well, if Natsuki really wants me to be present when she sings, who am I to—"

"No!"

"No? But I thought you were asking me to come with you?"

"No—I mean, yes—yes, I want you to come, but—"

"But only so I can stop them from forcing you to sing?" she finishes for me.

I nod and look down at my plate. After a moment of silence, I look back up.

"Please?" I ask, knowing she will say yes if I look at her directly. "Shizuru."

The rusty eyes soften, and I cheer, inside.

"All right."

"You promise?" I ask. "And you won't try to double-cross by making me sing?"

She sighs and takes a sip of water. "I promise. As my Natsuki wishes."

I exhale and smile. We start to eat again.

"Thanks," I mumble.

"What do you mean 'thanks'?"

The amusement in her tone makes me look up.

"What?" I say, confused. "You know, thanks for—"

"There must be some incentive, of course," she says. "Natsuki did not think I was going to help her for free, did she?"

She says this with that typical angelic smile of hers, and the irony sure isn't lost on me. I can feel my left eyebrow twitching.

"What?" I say, again.

She props an elbow on the table and rests her chin on her hand, looking thoughtful.

"I do not know yet."

"I'd rather you did," I retort, as dryly as I can.

She grins.

"Well, then," she says, looking at me. "Let me see…"

I wait—and almost choke when her face arranges itself in a way that makes me think of sex maniacs in serial killer movies.

"Wha—stop it!"

"Stop it?" she says, suddenly all innocence.

"Don't look at me like that," I complain. "And while we're eating, too!"

"Why?"

"I don't know. It just—it makes me feel so—so—"

"So?"

"Violated," I spit out.

She blinks for a second before cracking up, holding her stomach. I laugh, too, after a second, because it does sound silly.

"Ara," she is saying, as she laughs. "Ara."

"Ara yourself," I choke out, letting the last trickles of laughter come out of me.

"Natsuki is really too cute."

"Eh."

She straightens up in her chair. "I know what I want in exchange for tonight."

The suddenness of the statement makes me stop laughing. Then, I grin.

"Um, Shizuru," I chuckle. "The way you just put it… makes it sound like I'm buying sex from you."

She chuckles throatily. "Ara, if it were about that I would not even ask for anything in exchange."

I shake my head and pick up my fork, ready to resume eating. "So. What?"

"I want a fashion show."

I stop with my fork halfway to my mouth. I put it down. "Huh?"

"Natsuki bought some new underwear recently, yes?"

"Yeah…?"

"I want you to model them for me. Just for me."

"That's… weird. I don't know, Shizuru."

"All you have to do is put them on—after undressing, of course—then walk towards me and away. It is easy, do you not think so?"

"Um… where do you plan to do this?"

"In the bedroom."

"Why there?" I ask suspiciously.

She laughs, softly. "Well, if someone happens to drop by, it would be better for you to be hidden, would it not? I would hate anyone else seeing what is mine alone."

My cheeks feel hot—not again, dammit.

"Please?" she continues. "It is really such a small request, Natsuki."

"I don't know…"

She turns the full force of her moist eyes towards me. I groan. I wonder if this is what they call karma.

"Oh okay," I tell her, watching the smile stretch her lips. "But that's it! No… posing stuff."

She nods, delightedly. "Ara, I can't wait."

"Don't make me nervous."

She giggles again. "When is Tokiha-san's party?"

"Eight."

"Then, shall we do something in the meantime? After lunch?"

I've already started on my food again, and I take my time gulping down what's in my mouth before answering her. "Like?"

"Would Natsuki like to go to the mall?"

I think about it.

"Yeah. Why not?"

"Wonderful," she says, picking at her food. "I want to go shopping."

"Okay. What are you looking for?"

She just grins.

--

_**2**_

--

We did go shopping. Honestly, I don't know if I should be happy or afraid about the things she bought. Wily woman.

"Ara," the soft voice says, breaking into my thoughts. "Why is Natsuki standing there staring at her new lingerie? Should we not be leaving for the party?"

I sigh and send her a dry look. She ignores it and comes to the edge of the bed, sitting next to where the half-dozen new pieces of quality underwear are laid out before me.

"Do you not like them?" she asks.

I shake my head. "I like them."

I mean, _what's there not to like?_ They're all so fresh and delicate and top-of-the-line… but it's still eating at me that she's going to make me "model" these for her later. I can see it now. And there's also the fact that almost all of them are so flimsy they barely make the standard for being considered clothing.

"I'm glad Natsuki likes them," she is saying. "That is the only thanks I need."

I look at her skeptically. She is wearing a red, off-shoulder top with a white tank underneath, the straps the only things showing. Her hair is up today, and I like that because it shows the pretty line of her jaw to her neck. She has a smile.

"You're really sneaky, you know," I tell her.

The smile widens. "Sneaky?"

"You really expect me to model these things for you later?"

"Ara… so Natsuki does not like them, after all?"

"I do. Like I said, I like them. But you didn't have to get them for me, Shizuru."

"Yes, but I wanted to."

"Eh. Thanks."

"And I did want to see Natsuki model them for my benefit…"

"I knew it!"

She is laughing, her eyes shut.

"Of course," she says, after a while. "My Natsuki knows everything about me."

I frown at her halfheartedly. "Not that it stops you from doing what you want."

She just flashes me a toothy grin in reply.

"Okay, we better go or Mai'll have a fit," I tell her, turning away from the bed.

She follows me as we make our way out of the apartment. Later, we are in the lift and I'm trying to fend off her wandering hands, as usual.

--

_**3**_

--

"Heyy, look who's here."

"Natsuki!" says Mikoto, waving at me wildly.

"Ah, Shizuru-san, so glad you could make it."

"Ara, of course, Mai-san," Shizuru says. "I shall have to act as a stand-in tonight, however. It seems that Natsuki has a slight itch in her throat."

I try to keep my face straight as Mai peers at me suspiciously. After a few seconds of this, though, she finally caves in.

"That's too bad," she says. "Anyway, it's always fun to have you joining in, Shizuru-san."

"Thank you," Shizuru answers. "At any rate, I can do a fantastic impression of Natsuki, if you are interested."

I turn to her as everyone presses for a demonstration. She giggles.

"If you insist," she begins. Quickly, she lowers one eyebrow while lifting the other, and flips her hair in a way that makes me think of a snobby little rich girl.

"Beware," she growls, in a deep, almost accentless tone. "I bite."

This sends everyone howling with laughter. Well, except for me. I'm just staring like an idiot - mouth hanging open, no less. _Dammit._

I snap my mouth shut as she grins at me innocently.

"I confess I cannot do _that _one, though," she says, putting a finger up to her cheek as she looks at me. "That blush is a faculty only Natsuki has."

I stammer through my protests, trying to keep my eyebrows from arranging themselves just as her impression portrayed it. The others keep laughing.

"Shizu—i—idiot."

"Ara, ara," she smiles apologetically. "I did not mean to get Natsuki angry. Forgive me…"

"No. You—I'm not angry. Just stop it."

"At my Natsuki's behest."

I am rolling my eyes just as two people come in through the other door. It's Nao and Midori.

"Nao, hey."

She tips her head at me and greets Shizuru, who returns the greeting. Midori sidles up to us and pats me on the back.

"Natsuki, Natsuki," she is saying. "Brought Fujino along too, eh? This'll be fun. Sing duets."

Shizuru interrupts by greeting her and explaining that I'm "indisposed." Midori shrugs.

"Bad luck," she says, dropping into one of the seats. "Tsk, I was hoping for some Fujino-Kuga music videos, right, Chie?" She elbows the person next to her, who grins.

"I'm sure Shizuru-san won't let us down," Chie says. "_Ne_, Shizuru-san?"

I throw her a glare as Shizuru and I take our seats next to each other. Shizuru giggles, though, and puts a hand to her mouth.

"Perhaps we can work something out, Chie-san."

"No," I interrupt. "No working anything out. Nothing."

Mai comments on how my voice sounds fine, for someone with an "itchy" throat. I pause and add a slight rasp to it as I explain that it's getting better, but I'd rather not strain it right now.

"So, really, no singing," I conclude.

She narrows her eyes but nods, anyway. I turn my head to find Shizuru talking to Nao, asking whether she's ready for her coming trip.

"Yeah," Nao is saying. "I just figured I'd have some fun before I go. Not that I think karaoke is fun," she adds, quickly. "Just, you know, hanging out and stuff."

"We thought we'd make this a sort of going away party," Mai explains. "A send-off for Nao."

"I approve," Shizuru says, looking around. "But I must admit, I'm quite surprised that there are no… drinks here."

"Yes!" Midori cries. "You bring up a great topic, Shizuru, as always. What's a party without liquor, eh? To quote from the ancients: Nunc est bibendum!"

We blink at her words until Shizuru takes it upon herself to translate.

"_Now is the time to quaff_," she explains. "Horace, Midori-san, is it not?"

"Ten points for the former kaichou!" Midori laughs. "Er, sorry, still-kaichou, right? So, let's get the liquor out and loosen up. Come on kids—I mean, fellow kids—what'll you be having?"

Just then, a light, ringing noise comes up. We look at each other, then at Shizuru, who pulls out her phone.

"Hello?" she says into the receiver. "Ah, yes, hello father. Yes, of course. A moment, please." She covers the phone with her palm and looks at all of us. "I suppose I had better go outside to answer this, in any case."

"You want me to come with you?" I ask.

"Natsuki need not trouble herself. Thank you anyway."

I nod. She gets up and leaves. Midori starts taking our orders.

"Wait, are you ordering for her?" she asks me.

"Um, yeah, I guess. Get her some green tea."

Everyone looks at me and I start laughing.

"I'm kidding," I tell them. "Get her a cocktail—a margarita, I think. Count me in the beer buckets."

"Okay," she says, getting up to go to the phone. A while later, she has placed the orders and we are waiting for them to arrive. Mai gets up and picks up a bag from beside her seat.

"I brought some stuff," she says.

She starts to lay out various chips and dips on the table from a bag. Mikoto claps her hands together, enthusiastically. I scan the items on the table until I come to the one I've been waiting for.

"Naturally, I brought mayo for Natsuki," Mai says. "And normal dips for everyone else."

"You make it sound like mine is abnormal," I say.

"It is."

"Idiot."

"So, Natsuki," Chie interrupts. "Anything new going on with you and the kaichou?" She wiggles her eyebrows suggestively and I sigh.

"No. No new gossip for the local paparazzi tonight, Chie. Sorry."

"Ah, well," she says, leaning back. "I'm sure I'll come into something soon."

Nao asks in a bored tone if Chie has any new gossip for us, herself. We wait, expectantly. It's not something I'd ever admit—nor would any of the others here—but it is pretty interesting to hear what's making the rounds in the rumour network.

Chie looks up, like she's trying to remember something. Suddenly, she jerks upright and puts on a gloating expression.

"This isn't confirmed yet, but it's pretty much the talk of town. You guys know Shinichi, right?"

We nod.

"Well, word has it he's been hooking up with someone lately. They've been seen meeting up at shady, obscure places lately. At night. And being very… comfy."

"Who?" Nao asks. "I don't see what's so juicy about this."

"Maybe," Chie leers, closing her eyes smugly behind her glasses. "You still feel that way if I tell you he's hooking up with another guy?"

"No shit?"

"I don't believe it," I say, shaking my head, like Nao.

"Is that true, Chie-chan?" Aoi asks, with a mystified expression on her face. "I never would have thought he was—"

"I think he is," Mai says. We look at her and she squints into space. "Yeah. It's definitely possible."

"Why so sure, Tokiha?" Nao asks.

Mai screws up her face and furrows her forehead, then exhales loudly.

"Listen, you'll probably think this is really vain of me," she says slowly. "But—well—look, we all know I've got, um…" She pauses and looks down, at her chest. "You know?"

"Assets?" Chie says, without missing a beat. Mai turns red.

Nao breaks the silence by laughing.

"I'd call them brassets," she hoots. "But yeah, go on."

Mai frowns at her, then says: "Yeah, well, most of the guys tend to—um—look at them," she says embarrassedly, to a round of giggles from the rest of us. "But the point is, he never did."

"Yep, that's vain, Tokiha" Nao tells her, making Mikoto—who is stuffing herself with food right now—giggle.

"Oh, you know what I mean," Mai cries, red-faced. "You know, he never even checked Natsuki out when the three of us were doing groupwork in lab class."

Heads turn my way and I feel my skin start up. I curse Mai.

"Eh, that doesn't mean anything, dammit!" I tell them.

"Sure it does," Nao says. "Don't be thick, Kuga."

"That's true, Natsuki," Chie adds, rubbing her chin thoughtfully. "Well, this ups the chances of it being true then. Imagine… Shinichi, gay. Oh boy, is this ever prime gossip!" she exults to Aoi, who just nods and says: "Amazing. Neither Mai nor Natsuki, too."

"I don't see what the big deal is—I mean, Mai's case makes sense, maybe. Not mine," I tell them. Nao chuckles and I look at her. "What's so funny, Yuuki?"

"Sure you wouldn't see what the big deal is, Kuga," she says in that superior tone of hers. "That's because you're only part of the hottest gay couple in town."

"Shouldn't it be lesbian?" someone asks.

"Same thing." She leans back into her seat, smirking awfully. "The point is, you and Shizuru-sama were a pretty big deal too, when people found out you both liked girls." She makes a face, then grins suggestively at me. "Plus each other."

"What?"

"Wait, wait a minute," Chie says, holding up her hand to be heard out. "Natsuki, do _you _like girls? _Just_ girls?"

They all look at me. I can practically hear the blood pounding in my head.

"Don't ask stupid questions," I mutter.

Mai prods me to answer the question, saying: "C'mon, Natsuki, or there'll be singing, itchy throat or not. I swear I'll make you sing… there's a flimsy outfit here that I'm sure Shizuru-san would love to see you in."

"Um," I start, not knowing what to say. "I—um—like… Shizuru."

"That doesn't answer the question," Mai sighs. "Do you like only girls?"

I stare blankly at her. Nao decides to add to the conversation.

"I'll make it easy for you, Kuga," she says, smirking again. "Are you gay or bi? Because, shit, you can't be straight."

Chie grins and nods. "Well, Natsuki?"

A few moments pass, and I shrug. A collective sigh goes up.

"Well, anyway, what about Shizuru-san?"

"What do you mean?"

"Is she gay or bi?"

That makes me stop and think. "I don't know," I tell them. "I think… but I'm not sure."

"I always thought of her as gay," Chie admits. "And then there were the rumors about her dating Reito-san before."

Mikoto stops eating long enough to say: "Ani-ue says that's not true."

Mai nods. "That's a dud, Chie."

Chie shrugs. "Well, I never said it was confirmed."

"Eh, well, I don't know," I tell them. "It doesn't matter, does it?"

"I guess," Mai says, just as the door opens and two guys come in carrying our orders. Shizuru follows them in. After the guys leave, Midori kneels by the table and starts handing the drinks around. Shizuru sits next to me as someone passes her the margarita I ordered for her.

"Okay?" I ask.

She nods and smiles at me.

"Who's on first?" someone says.

"Mai, for sure."

"What? No, actually, I thought it should be you, Nao."

"Shit. Why?"

"It's your party."

"Yeah, go, Nao," I join in. "It'll be a while before we hear your caterwauling again."

She gives me an annoyed expression, her eyes narrowed into little acidic slits of green. It's enough to make you worried she can set your hair on fire just by looking.

"People with itchy throats shouldn't even be able to have a say in the matter," she sneers.

That makes me grin.

"Come on," Chie coos to her. "We'll document all of this and give you the tape as a going away present."

"So I can be reminded of how much we all suck at this," Nao returns.

"What do you mean _we_ _all_?!" Mai cries.

Nao huffs and finally gets up. "Oh, fuck it," she says. "Let's get this over with, Tokiha."

"That's the spirit, Nao!"

"Go, Yuuki," I put in, unable to resist. "Let's hear the banshees cry."

"You'll pay for this, Kuga," she says to me, passing by. "If Shizuru-sama weren't here to save your ass…"

I shrug, feeling smug until Shizuru leans in closer to me and whispers in my ear.

"It is true," she says. "If I were not 'saving your ass,' as Nao-san put it, you would be in such trouble. Perhaps this merits more than a simple fashion show, mm?"

I turn to look at her. "Shizuru. That's what we agreed on. Don't try to back out now."

She peers into my eyes for a second. She sighs.

"Indeed," she says in a low voice. "But the next time, I shall want more than a fashion show."

"Eh," I murmur, relieved. "What else could you possibly want?"

She smiles, flashing her teeth. Her lips are so red she reminds me of a vampire, somehow.

"I would like… a strip dance," she whispers, in that seductive tone she uses in the bedroom. "And possibly something along those lines involving you on my lap, twisting and turning while slowly taking off your lingerie. A good idea, yes?"

I feel my face go off like a five-alarm fire.

"Hey, Natsuki," says a voice, echoing and amplified. It's Nao standing on the stage and smirking at me.

"Copying my hair colour with your face? Always knew you idolized me."

"Shut it," I bark, as the rest start giggling, even Shizuru. "Just sing already, Yuuki."

She grins and the music starts.

--

_**4**_

--

We get back home around midnight, still wide-awake. I wonder aloud what time I'll be able to sleep.

"Ara," she says. "If you wished to sleep early, then we should not have stopped for coffee on the way home."

I sigh.

"I was craving it," I tell her. "You know how I get when I crave something."

She giggles. "Ara, do I ever."

"What does that mean?"

She gives me her most innocent smile. Yeah, right.

"Now then," she says. "Since Natsuki herself has said that she is not yet sleepy, I can call in my favour. Or payment, if you wish to call it that."

"What? What do—oh."

_I can't believe I forgot about it._

"Actually," I say, trying to fake a yawn. "I'm suddenly feeling very tired."

She sidles up to me and gives a low laugh, pressing her lips to my cheek.

"Oh no," she coos. "You are not getting out of it that easily, Natsuki."

The next thing I know, she's twisted my hair around her hand and is pulling me to our bedroom, giggling all the while.

"Hey!" I say, finally able to get free when she lets go of me to shut the bedroom door. "What was that for?"

She turns to me and smiles.

"That was for trying to weasel out of your promise, my darling little Natsuki." She walks over to the bed and leans over the lingerie we left there earlier. She picks out a flimsy little number done in red lace.

"This will go first, I think," she says in a completely deadpan way. I glare at her.

"You're serious?"

She tilts her head. A few stray locks dangle from her updo.

"Ara," she says. "I kept my end of the bargain, did I not?"

I sigh.

"Fine."

She beams at me with satisfaction and takes a seat on the edge of the bed, holding out the lingerie. I come closer and take it from her hand. I'm wondering just how I can manage to do this without dying from too much blood going to my face.

Then, for no reason at all, I remember something from earlier.

"Hey, Shizuru."

"Yes?"

I tilt my head to face her.

"I was just wondering."

"Yes?"

"Um." This is harder to ask than I thought. "You know, since you… you like… um. Like, you're with me, right?"

She lifts her eyebrows comically and _so I want to kill myself_.

"Indeed," the evil woman says. "Do go on."

I frown at her. "Well, I was wondering. Do you just like… girls?"

Her expression turns into a quizzical smile.

"Correct me if I am wrong. Natsuki is asking what my sexual preferences are?" she asks.

"Well, yeah."

She grins. "Why?"

I let out a breath.

"We just, you know, got to talking about it earlier." At her curious expression, I explain more. "They asked me, first. About me. Then they asked about you."

"How did you get around to talking about this?" she asks, obviously amused.

"I don't know—just one thing led to another."

"I see."

She shuts her eyes while keeping the smile on her face. I'm wondering if she's going to say anything when she speaks up.

"Yes," she tells me. "I do prefer girls, Natsuki."

I nod. Before I can say anything, though, she opens her eyes and fixes me with _that _look—the one that means whatever she's saying is serious.

"But I do not look at any girl other than my Natsuki, so it does not matter, really."

I feel the heat coming to my cheeks again. She smiles.

"Um," I say. "I… Good."

Her smile gets wider. "And Natsuki?"

"What?"

"What about you?"

It takes a second before I figure out she's asking me the same question.

"Oh. Well… I don't know."

She gives me another puzzled expression.

"Um, no. I mean, it's not like that. I just… you know… like you."

The grin fades from her face and turns softer.

"Ara," she jokes. "I should hope so."

"Wait, I mean—I love you." The next words from my mouth send another gallon of blood to my face. "Just you."

Almost by instinct, I look down and wish I could hide somewhere. The little scrap of cloth I'm holding in my hand sure doesn't look like a good place to do that, though.

"Natsuki."

She has moved closer to me, smiling. I look up.

"That is very sweet, what you said just now."

She reaches for my free hand and brings it to her lips. She kisses it.

"I am glad I do not have to worry about competition, then," she murmurs, a strange little smile on her mouth, which is still hovering above my hand. Her breath sends nice little puffs of warmth there. "Or do I?"

That makes me grin.

"Don't be an idiot," I tell her.

She giggles. "That is a no?"

I smirk. "Yeah."

"Then I am happy." She kisses my hand again, then lets go. She puts on her most lecherous grin.

"Now then," she says, licking her lips. "Shall we start?"


	4. S & N

_**Notes et avertissement:**_

_This is rated M for... well... sex. It was entertaining—and unusual—for me to write this as I do not often (or hardly ever) write such scenes in detail. One wonders whether that may be the reason for it being so lengthy then (Is this what they call the residue of repression? My, my...) _

_As always, please tell me if you see typos or the like... I am afraid you all know how lazy I am with editing. Merci d'avance._

--

--

**Book IV**

_**S&N **_

_par ethnewinter_

_--_

_--_

"Sadomasochists unite! All you have to lose are your chains..."

— _M. Foucault_

_--_

_--_

So I am getting my fashion show after all. My model, however, is really far too shy. She actually goes to the trouble of entering the bathroom to change into the piece I have picked for her. Presumably to prevent me from seeing what I will see sooner or later.

This is not a complaint—well, not really. It actually amuses me to no end, because I have seen her put on clothes before (sometimes even helping in the process) not to mention seen her take them off (most of the time helping in the process) and yet she cannot do these things in front of me now. Something I find curious.

And _so_ cute.

I listen to the sound of her moving about in the other room. Her grumbles echo in there and I catch something that sounds very like the words 'wouldn't be surprised if she took a picture.' I have to laugh.

"What's so funny?" she calls out in an irritated voice.

"Nothing," I call back.

The grumbling resumes, and I suppress another laugh into a giggle.

"Does Natsuki need help?" I call to her, after a few more complaints reach my ears.

The door opens, and she stands there, glaring fiercely at me. The colour of her face is wonderfully close to matching that of her lingerie.

"You'd like that, I bet," she tells me, stepping through the doorway. "Me asking you for help."

"Indeed. It is my desire to always be of assistance to Natsuki."

She mutters as she throws over our desk the clothes she was wearing earlier. I am given another frown. I smile at her, trying to make it look above suspicion. It takes even more effort than usual. The way she looks is playing havoc with me.

The colour red really does suit her… even if it is not on her face.

"Does my Natsuki find something wrong?" I say, trying not to eye the flesh exposed by the lingerie.

"Oh, don't bother," she says, knitting her eyebrows together. "It doesn't matter how innocent you look, Shizuru. You can put on your innocent face and it won't work. As soon as you start talking about me in the third person, I know I'm in for it."

A pause. Soon, I am laughing, and so is she.

"Ara," I tell her. "Was I so transparent?"

"Well, I'm not all that thick, you know!"

"But if I may ask, what exactly is 'it' that Natsuki says she is in for?"

She smirks. "Either you tease me or grope me. Same thing."

I smile, glad that her nervousness has gone. On the surface, at least.

"Come here," I tell her.

"Why?" she asks, suddenly apprehensive again. "You've seen it. Now throw me the next one and I can put it on."

"But that was not the agreement, Natsuki."

"Sure it was."

I shake my head, trying to keep my amusement from coming out.

"You promised me a fashion show, if I recall," I tell her. "And since I have delivered my end of the bargain, I am entitled to that fashion show. A fashion show where you put on the clothes and walk towards me before putting on the next one. Those very words were what you agreed to."

She is biting her lip in frustration, perhaps trying to think of a counter to that. She looks adorable like this: confused and embarrassed and very, _very _pretty. I throw her a smile again, trying to pull her to where I am with my look.

"Please," I say. "Surely you will not refuse me this little thing?"

"You're just going to use that little thing to get another thing." She looks pointedly down at her panties, which only barely cover the essentials. "It's little, all right."

I laugh at her dry jest. "Is Natsuki afraid of me touching her?"

She frowns in response.

I sigh and hold up my hands. "I will try not to tease… Please? See, my hands are just on the bed. Please, Natsuki?"

I sigh and give it everything. She groans and starts coming to me.

"Honestly," she mutters. "Okay, here. Happy?"

Her strides are so fast that by the time she has finished speaking, she is standing right in front of me. I sit on my hands to prevent seizing her lovely, _lovely_, hips, as I am dying to do.

"Well?" she says curtly, one eyebrow raised. "Okay, now you've seen it, give me the next one."

"Ara," I reply, somehow managing to keep an even tone. "First, I must… appreciate this piece first."

"Shizuru."

I smile and try to divert her attention. "It really is impressive, is it not? What does Natsuki think of it? She knows more about lingerie than I do."

The eyebrow comes down as she considers it. In the meantime, I busy myself considering _her_.

"It's really nice, design-wise," she says, looking down at her body. "And it feels pretty good."

I nod absently, trying to follow her words. She suddenly brings her hand to the hem of the thong just beneath her navel, feeling the fabric with her fingers. My hands clench as though on reflex. Wicked girl… does she even know how much of this is torture?

"But what really makes it is the lace," she tells me. "You don't usually see this sort of detail, you know. It shows how… classy it is."

"Ah… Yes."

"Shizuru, are you okay?" she asks, voice laced with concern.

I look up to find her peering curiously at me.

"Ara," I say. "Forgive me, I was merely admiring the lacework, as you said. It is truly… fascinating."

She nods, apparently comfortable enough to give me a slight smile in agreement.

"Now which one's next?" she asks, obviously intent on approaching this in as matter-of-fact a way as possible. "Come on."

I reach behind me, sighing. To my delight, my hand comes up with the set I was hoping for: a bra and panty done almost completely in some sort of sheer black fabric, with lace embroidered to—just barely—cover the more… delicate parts.

"Um, Shizuru, can't we save that for... um… later?"

I look up at her, unable to help a little smile from coming to my face.

"Why? Does Natsuki want to make it the grand finale?"

She promptly turns pink.

"No!" she says, glaring at the lingerie in my hand. "I just... you know..."

"Ara, does Natsuki not like this one?" I pretend to be crestfallen. "And here I thought she liked it when we were looking at it in the shop earlier."

"Don't do that," she says in a scolding tone, obviously seeing through my ploy. "_Natsuki_ did like it when _she_ was looking at it earlier. _She_ just didn't know Shizuru would be evil enough to actually get it and ask for it to be featured in some sort of perverted fashion show."

"Well," I counter, amused by the way she has copied my way of talking. "If Natsuki already knows that Shizuru was 'evil enough' to go to such lengths just to see her in it, then Natsuki had better humour Shizuru, since Shizuru just might be 'perverted' enough to do the work of putting it on Natsuki if she refuses to do so herself."

She wrinkles her nose at my little speech. I smile.

"Oh, damn it," she says, after a few more seconds of our staring match. She snatches the underwear from my hand. "You just might do it."

"Ara."

I wait for her to enter the bathroom and shut the door before letting my giggles come out. She is simply too cute. I bring my hands up from under me and sigh, wondering if I will be able to stop myself when she comes out wearing that number. With any luck, all I will suffer is a nosebleed.

And possibly a stroke.

She is taking a little longer with this one, it seems. Perhaps she is shoring up her courage. In any case, I look around for something to busy myself with, because the anticipation is simply maddening. My eyes alight on the aromatic candle on the nightstand—and I get an idea.

Moving quickly, I scoot over to reach for the matches next to it, then light the candle. It takes only a few seconds for the scent of roses to waft under my nose. It smells wonderful.

The door to the bathroom clicks and opens, almost hesitantly. I turn towards it to see Natsuki coming out, face burning, and_ Oh god._

God has just walked into my bedroom.

"So," she says, looking at me defiantly with that magnificent blush on her cheeks. "There."

I must remind myself to swallow. My throat is… tight. Perhaps it may even be as tight as her body: all compact, perfectly drawn lines, and hints of musculature just where it matters, and _I am dying for a touch_.

She shifts uncertainly, still standing near the bathroom's open door.

"Shizuru."

I pull my eyes up to meet her face. She is still blushing. That is all I need to see—I cannot sit still anymore. I arrange my face into a soothing smile.

"What's that for?" she asks tersely, pointing at the candle.

I shrug. "Shall we say for the ambience?"

She rolls her eyes and I giggle.

"Come here," I say again.

She is rattled by indecision, but does come forward eventually. I watch as she does, trying to keep myself at rest.

_Patience._

As soon as she reaches the spot where she was standing before me earlier, though, she turns around and makes as though returning to the bathroom. She has hardly taken a step before I am holding her arm, preventing her from her retreat. She turns again and stares at me, half-angry, half-embarrassed.

And completely beautiful.

--

--

"Natsuki, please wait," I say, only realizing afterwards how low my voice came out. "I want to... look at it properly, first."

A moment, thinking.

She bites her lip and nods. I bite my tongue.

Keeping my eyes on hers, I let go of her arm and move my hand to hover above her waist, just enough so I can feel the warmth coming from her skin without actually touching it. I move a little further down, to the hem of the panties.

"Hmm..."

Closing the distance, my fingers press lightly on her hips. She inhales sharply and so do I—but neither of us looks away. I offer her a slight smile to calm her, because I can feel her tension radiating, humming under my touch.

I wonder if she can feel mine as well.

My fingers rub the material, mapping its texture as well as the fine shiver they elicit from the flesh underneath when I make a stroking motion. Her cheeks are flashing a bright red again, but her eyes are still open: a bright, sparkling green—and _green means go_.

So I go on.

Slipping my fingers around her hips, I touch the smooth, firm behind that I know so well. God only knows how many times I have stared at it futilely—when she was not mine yet—or how many times I have clutched at it—when she became mine (for the most part). But all those times never dull the excitement I get when I touch it again.

I get so excited that I go up and actually bring my fingers to the spot above her hip—the one that makes her stiffen and choke back a moan, as she does now.

_Slow down_, I tell myself. I bring my fingers back to the front of the garment, laying them lightly on the cloth.

"It…," I begin, swallowing to help the ache in my throat. "It is… very soft, yes?"

She takes a second to reply.

"Yes."

I raise my hand, splaying the fingers on her stomach. I can feel the taut, silky heat of her muscles under my palm. She inhales sharply again.

"How does…," I pause to wet my lips, which are feeling rather dry as of the moment. "It feel?"

"Hmm?" she hums, her green eyes becoming a little hazy.

I repeat the question, slowly dragging my hand up her stomach. The muscles quiver, setting off similar twitches in my abdomen.

"Oh," she says, as my fingers brush her ribs. "It… feels good."

"Ah."

My hand continues its upward trek, and I drop my gaze to it, watching its journey. By the time my fingertips are brushing the underside of her bra, the air around us is almost hot enough for suffocation.

_Wait_.

I stop, torn between the desire to touch her breasts and wanting to see her try on the other lingerie we bought. If I go on now, I doubt she would be able to do that.

This is utter torture.

"Shizuru."

I look up. To my surprise, she makes the decision for me by taking my hand in hers and bringing it up, ever so slowly. I almost groan when I feel her breast heaving under my palm.

"Ah."

We inhale at nearly the same time.

"Natsuki, _ikezu_," I mumble, even as my hand curves to her flesh. "If you keep this up, you will not be able to model the other pieces for me." I sigh as her thumb rubs my wrist. "You are cutting my fashion show short."

A short exhalation laced together with a chuckle. I look up once more, and there is a crooked little smile on her lips.

"I guess I'm transparent too," she says.

"Perhaps," I reply, smiling.

"But you started it."

She smirks as she says this, and I make my decision.

"Hey—!"

I laugh as she wriggles against the sheets, where I have thrown her to the bed. She glares at me half-heartedly while I crawl over her, still giggling. I pin her with my weight and nuzzle against the smooth cheek, inhaling the sweet, clean scent that she always has. Natsuki smells like a child. She stops wriggling after a second and I revel in the warmth of her body.

"You know, you could've just told me to get on the bed, instead of pulling me like that," she complains, even while putting her arms around me. "Really, Shizuru."

"Where is the excitement in that?"

"Huh."

I set my hands on either side of her body and push myself up, to look at her. She is just so... _hot_.

"What?" she asks, cheeks reddening again as I lick my lips. "I... stop looking at me."

"Why?"

"You're..."

She stops and I finish her sentence for her.

"Making you embarrassed, Natsuki?"

She frowns, because we both know I'm right. I smile to make up for it.

"Shut up," she says oh-so-imperiously, the colour flaring on her face. "Just kiss me already."

_How enticing._

I start to lean downwards as she comes up to meet me... then surprise her by moving my lips to her ear instead. I stretch one hand to reach for one of the bras we put on top of the bed earlier. She stiffens as my lips graze her ear, and I whisper.

"Not yet."

"Wha—"

I pull her arms up, stretching so that they reach the headboard. It takes a few seconds before she realizes what I am doing, and then she starts to struggle.

"Too late, my dear Natsuki," I tell her, coming back so our eyes are level. "Your reflexes seem to be slower these days, yes?"

She tilts her head and looks up, frowning when she sees where I have tied her hands to one of the bars of the headboard. She almost growls.

"What's that for?" she asks, bringing her eyes back to me. "That's a limited edition piece, Shizuru! You'll ruin it—"

"Ara, you mean _you_ will ruin it, Natsuki," I cut in, trying not to laugh. "That is, if you keep struggling that way."

She stops pulling and I grin.

"That," she huffs. "Is a _very _delicate piece of lingerie you've just twisted around my hands. Untie me."

I can't help it: I giggle.

"What?" she says, almost angry. "I'm serious. Take it off."

Oh, this is too much, simply too much. I love it when she puts on this commanding tone and tries to stare me into submission, especially when she does it while being in a situation where she obviously is _not_ the one with control.

"Is that what Natsuki wants?"

"Yes! Get it off now."

"As you wish."

I slide down and hear the little hitch of breath she makes when my head dips to her chest, just so my lips are touching the midpoint of her lacy black bra.

How I love front clasps.

"What are you doing?" she says, startled. I ignore her and continue unhooking the bra with one hand while keeping my lips kissing the skin above it. I hold her down when she starts wriggling again.

"Shizuru! Not that one, dammit! Shizu—ahh!"

I give the skin between her breasts another lick before pushing myself up, extending my arms to hold my weight again.

"You did say to get it off, Natsuki."

Her breathing is already quickening—but she still manages to scowl at me, her lovely emerald eyes narrowing.

"Not that!"

My eyebrows go up. "Ara, did I get it wrong?"

The scowl becomes a half-pout. "You know you did."

"Oh?" I shift my weight to my left hand and put the right one on her chest, splaying my fingers above her sternum. She inhales sharply.

"I was simply eager to do as Natsuki wished… _kanin na_."

"You don't..." She stops to swallow as my hand moves over her skin, sliding off the cup of the bra until my palm is on her breast. "Seem... the least bit sorry."

I smile, entranced by the softness and heat pushing against my hand. It never fails to amaze me how perfectly her breast fits in my hand, as though it was made for me.

I like to think it is. Or she is.

Her heart is doing a rapid tattoo. My own heart picks up the rhythm and I take a few seconds, feeling it.

"Shizuru?"

I bring my eyes back to her face—which is still blushing—and see questions lurking there.

_What are you thinking?_

_Why don't you take it off already? _(Whichever 'it' that is).

_Are you all right?_

_Why are you stopping?_

Her eyes bore into mine.

_Ah, yes_.

Green means go.

--

--

My head ducks as I move my body downwards, taking my hand off her breast. I lower my head to kiss it... then get an odd impulse to do something else.

I press my ear against it instead, listening to what's inside.

I remember the first time I did this, after the first time _we did this_. I put my ear to her breast then, as I am doing now, and listened to her heart. That time, however, I listened to it after we had done the deed.

Now it is before.

"It sounds... the same... But faster."

"Huh?" I can feel her move, lifting her head from the pillow as she tries to see my face. "What?"

I smile and press a kiss to the spot where my ear used to rest. Her head drops back to the pillow as she stifles a sound. I start sucking and her body responds, pushing her breast deeper into my mouth.

It is welcome; she is welcome.

She finally lets a sound come out, a frustrated moan that I can almost taste. I work her with my lips, teeth, mouth, trying to see just how many of those sounds I can get her to make.

I lose count after eleven.

The heat between our bodies is almost painful. I stop and lift my head as she squirms, trying to get free.

"Natsuki."

She looks at me with those bright, bright eyes.

"Stop struggling with it," I tell her, licking my lips. "Or the bra will be ruined."

She flicks her eyes upwards, to where her hands are tied. It is obvious she is about to protest, but I stop by saying her name quickly, sharply, as I do when I want her to know I am serious.

"_Natsuki_."

Her eyes snap to mine, as though both daring and waiting for me to go on. Oh, what pride she has! I would not do this if she did not have it—I would not enjoy it so much.

She is the only person I have ever known who can look defiant and beseeching in one breath—as she is now, eyes searing into mine.

As she was when she first kissed me, telling me that, though she did not yet feel as I did for her, she was willing to try.

"Natsuki."

Ah, that time. It was amusing how I was the one who protested, asking her what would happen if it turned out to be the wrong thing to do. I was afraid, of course, but then again, so was she.

_All decisions are made like this_, she told me then. _We never know if it's wrong or not_.

And so we went on with it. How nervous she had been, though she tried not to show it. Perhaps as much as I... but that did not matter so much later, not when I discovered that passionate curiosity of hers in bed. There was little time to think, then, for either of us.

Why _am I_ thinking about this? Perhaps the alcohol from the party earlier? But no, I had very little... The coffee, then? Both?

No matter, I have other tasks at hand.

I drop my voice, speaking gently.

"Do not break it, all right?" I smile. "You said so yourself, it would be ruined if you tugged at it."

Ah, the complexities of being with _her_: one has to have the iron glove on one hand, and the fur mitten on the other.

After all, you do not tame a wild creature without breaking it a little.

"So please be careful."

Indecision in her eyes. I take that as my cue.

"Natsuki." I say it softly, sternly. "All right?"

It takes a few seconds, but she nods, still challenging me with that wonderful look.

"Good girl."

She will protest at that provocation, I am sure... But I prevent her from getting a word out by taking her breast in my mouth again. She moans and squirms a little, but not as much as before. I feel the sinews of her body trembling as she tries to keep still, stopping herself from pulling on the bra wound around her hands. I pause to shoot a quick look at the headboard, and what I see puts a smile on my face.

Her hands are gripping the post, knuckles white from clenching.

I bring myself up to her neck and press little kisses on it, laughing a little as she tries to duck and catch my lips with her own. She makes little puffs of dissatisfaction when she fails each time.

"Not yet."

I position myself above her face, mouth hovering above hers. She tries to catch my lips again, but I elude her by pushing myself up.

"Shizuru," she whines, her head falling back onto the bed. Her chest is heaving. "Why are you being mean?"

I tilt my head. "Mean?"

She pouts—oh, how I want to give in... but this is a game and I intend to win it.

"Yeah... You are."

Her eyes flicker as one hand brushes over the breast that is still covered with the loosened bra. I slip my fingers over the edge of the cloth and drag it off so that her entire chest is bared, taking care to slip my fingertips lightly over her skin afterwards. She shivers several times, breathing shallowly.

Each shudder from her sets off bursts of heat in my chest. I trace circles around the peak of her breast, watching her face. Her mouth is open: her eyes are shut.

"Mean..."

Usually it is the other way around—_I_ say that to her. I wonder... does it sound that way too when I say it?

I doubt it: Her way of saying it sounds like a verdict—or an accusation in court.

Only she can make a word sound that merciless.

That beautiful.

"Ahh."

I kiss my way down the side of her neck, taking my time to suck on several strategic little spots. She makes a sound for each stop, and it vibrates into my mouth.

I leave a trail of red marks all the way to her breast.

"Shizu... ru."

I hover above one peak, which is begging for my lips right now. Her back arches when I let out a breath, the hot air coming back to me as it blows against her skin.

"Am I being mean, Natsuki?"

I take her into my mouth, and hear a short, sharp cry. She gasps when I pull back quickly, flicking my tongue against the hardened tip.

"Ye—yeah." She is panting, but perhaps I am too. "You're being mean."

_Mean._

Again, an accusation.

I remember it now: the first time she said it to me like this. When was it again? Half a year ago, I think, or around that time. Perhaps five months after we started sleeping together. And another five months or so before she finally told me she loved me.

_Your fault, _she had said. _You did it. I can't focus anymore. I keep thinking about you. Why are you doing this to me? _

A confused clarity to the words: _You did it. You're being mean._

She said this in disjointed, just barely intelligible sentences. She was drunk. Not just tight: simply, completely drunk.

Even if it slurred her speech, the liquor had given her a burst of eloquence that night. Never would she have said those things to me had she not been utterly blind then. And indeed, she did not remember a word of what she said, the next day.

But I did.

And never had I been happier to be accused of anything, in my entire life.

"Yes," I agree, teasing her with my tongue. "I am being mean, Natsuki."

--

--

She is arching towards me again, her body doing the pleading even if her mouth refuses to say it, and I start to push myself away—before I am stopped by her legs wrapping around my lower half.

"Ara."

I comply and come back down... but only so I can turn my head to the side, letting my hair fall on her chest. A fine quiver runs through her as I breathe heavily, sending little puffs of air to the other breast, watching the tip grow taut while I listen to her heartbeat once again.

"Mmm—Shizuru."

My hands play with her, stroking her flanks and caressing her hips. She moans.

She sounds the way she feels—like wet silk.

And I have not even touched her there yet.

"Natsuki's heart is racing," I say, my hand coming up to caress that place above her hip. There is a long, drawn-out moan when I make contact, and her legs tighten around me. An overwhelming amount of heat radiates from between her thighs.

"So hot," I say, watching her twist and whimper under my caresses.

She starts to struggle with the bonds again. I bring my hands to her thighs and pull them to release me. I push myself up and straddle her, sitting just below her waist.

We stare at each other, eyes half-lidded.

"I told Natsuki not to tug at it."

She says nothing, looking just the slightest bit apprehensive.

But there is expectation there too.

_Another game_.

A flicker of light at the corner of my eye. I turn to it, moving swiftly so that it takes no more than a few seconds. She blinks at me, a wary curiosity in her eyes, like an animal sensing something potentially dangerous but not comprehending it, all the same.

Like a panther looking down the barrel of a gun.

"We have not tried this yet, have we?"

Her eyebrows draw together as I quirk my own, grinning.

"Shi—you're not going to burn me, are you?!"

I laugh. Really, the things she says sometimes! "Ara, what?" I shake my head. "Natsuki."

She smiles slowly, like someone with a secret.

"I never know," she says.

Holding the candle in one hand, I hold one hand just above her skin, so close that I can almost touch it—almost, but not quite.

"Do not move, Natsuki."

She eyes me suspiciously, her chest rising and falling steadily, heavily. The sheen of sweat is all over her body.

"What are you doing?" she asks, as I pull myself down carefully to lick her stomach. The muscles tremble under the skin, and I wish I could stay there forever, just tasting and feeling her.

Surely there is no better seasoning than the salt on this body.

I get back up and straddle her hips again, looking at her lying below me. There is a swath of slickness on her abdomen, where I have drawn my tongue.

"Natsuki," I say. "Be still, all right?"

Her breathing gets faster. She does not know whether to be worried or excited.

Perhaps she should be both.

I bring forward the candle and tip it slightly, letting one drop of the melted wax fall onto the place still wet from my kiss.

"Ah!" Her body jerks up in a sudden flinch as her abdominal muscles contract. She looks at me with a startled expression. "That's hot!"

_Hot_.

It certainly is.

Placing my thumb on the drying wax, I rub it and let another drip next to it. She jerks again, breathing unevenly.

"Shizuru!" she gasps, at the third drop.

I do it again and again, watching as her body bucks beneath me. If she tells me to stop, if she says it hurts, I would stop in an instant, no matter how much I like seeing her like this.

But she doesn't.

"Uhmm...nn..."

Each groan from her makes the aching between my legs worse.

I stop after I have made an uneven ring of dots around her navel. I blow out the candle and set it back on the nightstand.

"Natsuki, does it hurt?"

Her cheeks are a bright red as she opens her eyes to look at me, still gasping.

And still so proud.

I put a finger to her mouth and she parts her lips, taking it in. She sucks on me eagerly, with an avidity that makes me feel faint. Her tongue curls around my digit, caressing it. I slip it out reluctantly and bring it the area where I have dropped the candlewax, using the wetness as a balm for her skin.

She moans as I draw a lazy circle around her navel, tracing the candle's path and flicking off the dried wax. I move down so and push her legs apart so I can kneel between them, bending over to press my mouth against the smarting flesh of her stomach.

Her whimper makes me so dizzy I see stars. I close my eyes.

A fine bead of sweat burns its way between my breasts.

--

--

The room is getting too hot. _She_ is too hot. I sit up and shed my top, leaving on the tank I have underneath it. It helps, but it is still too hot. I peel off the tank as well, then notice her watching me just as I get it off.

She is not blinking.

"Shizuru..."

I smile at the pleading tone, then come back down to lie against her. My lips find her neck as she twists to better fit under me. Our legs scissor together, and she almost whines.

I can feel her heat even through the denim jeans I still have on. I stop sucking on her neck and start moving up, dragging my thigh higher, pressing between her legs.

"Ahhn..."

Her hands pull on the bedpost again. I stop moving up to give her a quick bite in the neck. She makes a startled, hurt sound, and I come up to her ear.

"I told you not to pull on it."

She pants in frustration, hips already angling up and against my leg. I blow in her ear and she jerks, almost automatically. Turning her head to the side, she gets ready to glower at me, just as I assault her open mouth.

A startled sound, then a sigh. Her moist lower lip between my teeth.

"Shizuru..."

Soon, it is our tongues meeting between our lips. She kisses me frenziedly as though to make up for her constrained hands. I open my mouth to her, drinking in the feel and taste of hers on mine.

She nips at my lip abruptly, and I taste blood.

I lift my leg so that it joins the other between hers, then nudge her thighs apart by spreading mine. Her kisses become more furious as I slide a hand downwards, lifting my hips momentarily to give it access. It pauses at her waist, stroking the curve. She arches up, and I feel a slight pain as the sharp jut of her ribcage meets mine.

She squirms as the hand continues its journey, finally slipping beneath the lacy garment she has on.

Wetness.

"Ahh... mm..."

Our lips break apart as she moans, mouth hanging open.

My fingers slide along the length of her searing flesh, slicking along the moisture there.

"Hahh... ah—ahh..."

Her hips buck every time I make contact with the nub, and I brace myself with one arm, watching her face. Her eyes are shut, the long, sooty lashes quivering.

"Mnn... Shizuru..."

She moans over and over again, as if in pain. The place between my legs is aching so badly I let out a moan too.

My blood is pounding in my ears.

--

--

"So wet."

Her eyelids flutter open, and she looks at me as though from far away.

"Natsuki."

Her hips are moving erratically now, trying to coax me into giving her what she wants.

What I want.

"Wait," I manage to say, pulling my hand from her panties swiftly. Her lower body jerks up in protest. I drop a quick kiss on her lips in apology and her head lifts as she tries to follow me, but I pull away, kneeling between her legs.

We look at each other, still panting.

I place both hands on her thighs, running them upwards. The right one leaves a glistening trail from my fingers, and I look at it. I bring it to my mouth, licking at the wet that is still present.

She is watching, her eyes fixed on me. She lets out a small sighing breath and says my name.

"Shizuru."

I smile at that, bringing my hand back to her body, over the last piece of cloth she is wearing. I hook my fingers over the hem and pull it down. She lifts her hips to help, then her legs, as I slide it off of her.

"Ah."

Now she is naked, bound, lying before me. The sight almost makes me choke.

I use my hands to keep her legs apart, and bend my body. She whimpers as I pause, blowing small puffs of air at the juncture between her thighs.

"Beautiful."

I lower my mouth to her flesh and clamp my lips on it. She cries out.

"Ahh!"

Her body writhes, shuddering, as I run my tongue over her, drinking in the taste of her Wants. I suck her so hard I almost forget to breathe.

"Ahhnn... Shizuru... Shizu... ru..."

I find the pulsing little slit that I have penetrated so many times with my fingers. I push my tongue into it and she makes a startled, moaning noise. Her hips rock madly against my mouth. I can hear her cries and groans as she calls my name, mingling with the sweet, wet sound of my tongue lapping at her.

"Mmm..." I hum as I drink her, knowing she will be able to hear the vibration from my mouth. She pants, still saying my name as though it is the only word she knows.

"...ah... Shizuru..."

I move my lips up, seeking a little nub. She cries out when I find it and rasp my tongue against it over and over again, slowly and deliberately. I do this until she is just at the brink of coming, and then I stop, drawing back to admire the swollen flesh trying to follow me when I pull away.

"So beautiful."

A sudden clamp on my shoulders. I am pulled up, roughly, painfully, into a kiss. I moan when my teeth clash with hers, bringing back the faint, coppery taste of iron from before.

"...ahn..."

There are fingers threaded into my hair, gripping my head. I lift my hands and grab hers, realizing that she has somehow freed herself.

She almost snarls as I pull back from the kiss, holding her hands against the sheets. I take a few breaths to steady myself.

"Ara." It comes out shakier than I would have liked. "Natsuki, did you break the bra?"

Her eyes are hazy and she blinks a few times, apparently unwilling to talk.

"Naughty girl. I should spank you for that."

Her eyes narrow and she lets out a soft growling sound.

"Shut it," she says.

She is staring at my lips. I lick them and she struggles, trying to make me let go of her wrists.

She manages to free herself again, and puts her palms against my shoulders, pushing me down. The bed bounces just as she rolls over me, locking our lips.

But I am not ready to be the one on the bottom yet, and she really should know better than to try to beat me at this game.

"Mmnn..."

Her hands are gripping my arms. It hurts, and I will have bruises later, but I don't mind.

"Uhn..."

Her grip relaxes, and I reach down to stroke the sensitive skin above her hip, making her throw her head back, moaning. I take the opportunity and throw her over, pinning her again.

"Ahh!"

I smile.

"Natsuki... I am on top tonight."

She grits her teeth and bares them at me. They are beautifully white.

"I am sorry for teasing."

Her teeth are still bared. I give them a quick lick and she looks surprised, eyes wide as she stares.

"I love you."

The surprise melts away, and she gives me a wonderful smile that is soft as rain.

Soft as the flesh between her legs, which I am parting at this moment.

Soft as the slow moan she gives when I push a finger inside her.

She starts rocking, and so do I.

--

--

I go on as her hips start to push against my hand more erratically, almost frenzied in their rhythm. Her eyes have fluttered shut.

"Natsuki."

She groans.

"Open your eyes," I say in between pants. "Natsuki... look at me."

She does as I ask: a strange, lost expression in her eyes as I continue to thrust into her, feeling the hot wet glide of being inside her, then outside again.

"Good girl."

I curve my fingers and her hips jerk abruptly. She makes a long, drawn out moan that staggers as I continue.

"Ahh—uhn…"

She is so wet. I wish I could bring my hand to my mouth and taste it again, but it would be cruel for me to stop now.

I add another finger. It slips in easily, as though meant to be there.

It is.

"Shi—zuru!"

"Yes, Natsuki?" I say, unable to help teasing her even now. Perhaps it has become second nature already. To my amusement, she manages to get up enough strength to actually glare at me after my words, teeth clenched tight as her breath whistles in and out, in and out, just like me.

In and out. Harder and faster. The glare vanishes just as I grind my hand against her clit. She moans.

"... uhn... ah..."

She says nothing in reply, and only clutches at me harder, wincing every now and then.

I quicken the pace. Incoherent noises spill from her mouth, even as I wince: her nails are digging into my back.

"Mm... n..."

The hand bracing my weight is starting to hurt, but I ignore it, pressing a kiss to her cheek. She whimpers and says my name with that desperate, pleading tone I love.

"Shizuru..."

Then she is coming, her eyes falling shut and lashes fluttering.

"Natsuki," I say again, urgently. _"Look at me_."

"... ahhh..." Her eyes snap open. "Ah—"

"Natsuki."

Another second, and her flesh contracts around me, pulsing over and over again as I continue my movements, stretching it out as long as possible. I look into her eyes, watching her eyelids flicker as she struggles to keep her eyes open.

A long, shaking moan.

Something flashes in her irises at the point of release. It is beautiful. It is something that I have lit there.

_It belongs to me._

"Natsuki," I whisper, as she continues to spasm, making sounds I wish I could capture and replay after this, again and again.

"You belong to me."

She stares at me with something like helplessness in her eyes, nails digging so deep into my back that I am sure there will be blood later. I do not mind. All that matters to me is the body arching, strung tight beneath me as she spends herself under my touch.

She says my name and I see myself in her eyes.

"Only to me, Natsuki."

Now she is simply moaning, giving little sobbing breaths as she comes down slowly from wherever I have managed to throw her.

"I love you."

Her body twitches as my fingers leave her, and I lower my head to kiss her brow, her nose, her cheeks, those lips which stop me when she whispers that she loves me too.

Amazing... how those words never fail to make me happy.

I pause to look into her eyes. They are half-lidded, heavy. The arms around me are almost limp as they slide off my back, and I can feel the weariness in them as she tries to push me down, on the other side of the bed. I stop her.

"No," I say. "It's all right."

She shakes her head, trying to give me a look that will freeze me long enough to let her get me on my back. I shake me head as well, letting the smile play on my lips.

She is so amusing like this; she is so sweet. I am tempted to give in to her, but I know better.

"You are tired," I tell her. "Later."

"No—"

"Rest, Natsuki. Later."

"No, I—"

"Natsuki." I press my forehead to hers, unable to help grinning at her persistence. "There is always later. Or tomorrow. Or the next day."

Her lips take on a sulky, if somewhat weary, pout.

"Rest for now, all right?"

She finally gives in and nods, closing her eyes with a sigh. I lower myself to her so that I am half on the bed and half on her body. I rest my head by hers, the tip of my nose touching her ear.

She sighs again and I take in the sound.

"Natsuki?"

Her eyes open. She turns her head to the side and faces me.

"Are you all right?" I ask.

Her hand comes up to rest on my cheek, but I see the angry red skin of her wrists before that: the marks from her struggle with my tying her up. I must have tied that knot tighter than I thought—or that bra must have been stronger than expected. The marks look raw.

Stricken with guilt, I open my mouth to apologise, but she stops me by resting her thumb on my lips.

"I feel perfect," she whispers.

The proximity makes it blurry and difficult to focus on her face, but I look into her eyes looking at me. In those green depths, everything is clear.

We stay like that for a long time.

--

--

--


	5. Taking Leave

_**Notes:**_

_Ah, it has been quite a while, no? Had not someone mentioned this to me (oui, chum-sa, it is you), I might have forgotten to update it yet again, negligent person that I am. Hence I wrote this last night... methinks myself suffering a little hangover from writing Nao in the other story ("The Endless"), though. _

_By the way, thank you ever so much to those reviewers from last time... One anonymous reviewer, by the way, amused me very much by commenting on the wordplay in the last book's title (S&N). I am pleased you noticed it, darling._

_-_

_-_

_**Book V**_

_**Taking Leave**_

_par ethnewinter_

_-_

_-_

_**1**_

_-_

"Where's she going, anyway?"

"Something with her family."

"Why don't you go with her?"

"Nao. You serious?"

The younger girl laughed. "Scared?"

"Terrified."

Nao grinned, brushing her hair out of her eyes.

"Now, see, I can't even tease you good about that," she told the other. "No-one teases about that. Not much, anyway, because it's old and everyone feels that way. Too bad."

The other girl turned on the TV in front of them.

"So... What do you want to do?" she asked.

"I don't know. Hell, Natsuki, you're the one who asked me if I wanted to hang out. What do you want to do?"

"Uh..." Natsuki shrugged, her eyes on the game console in the entertainment cabinet.

"Want to play?" she asked. "Got some new games."

"Thrilling as it sounds to mash my fingers on a controller... no, thanks—and my nails could get chipped." Nao made a face. "Besides, the games you got are probably ones I don't like."

The other girl turned to her. "Yeah? What don't you like?"

"Just about everything." She grinned. "Don't you think we're a little too old to be playing video-games til now, Kuga?"

"Idiot." The dark-haired girl smirked. "You weren't too old for Sims, were you? If I remember right, you nearly put your eye out playing it for six hours straight."

"That's different." Nao paused. "It's... a _mature_ game."

The dark eyebrows lifted.

"Sure," Natsuki said. "Mature. Just because you can make characters have sex with each other. _ Love_ that vibrating bed."

"Ara, what vibrating bed?" said another voice. "Natsuki has been testing out beds other than ours?"

Natsuki flushed, scowling at the girl who had just entered the room.

"N-no," she told her. "Are you done?"

"Natsuki seems eager to see me go."

The other girl smiled as she said this, opening her purse. She took out a pair of purple glasses, winking at the duo on the couch as she put them on.

"Hey. You wear glasses?" said Nao, surprised. It was Natsuki who answered her, scoffing.

"She doesn't need them," the girl explained. "They're just for show. Nuts—Shizuru can see as far as I can, even without those things."

Shizuru laughed. "But you did tell me you liked seeing me wear them, Natsuki."

"Eh." She fidgeted under the other two girls' smiles, frowning. "When did I say that? I didn't say that."

"Yesterday, when I showed them to you."

Natsuki paused.

"Fetish, Kuga?" Nao crooned.

Natsuki groaned.

"You two shut up," she said, pushing herself up from the couch. "And shouldn't you be going now? You'll be late, Shizuru. You sure you really don't want us to take you there?"

Nao interrupted. "All three of us can't fit on that big bad bike of yours, dope."

"You're the dope. I meant if she wanted us to take her in a taxi. Or me. I could take her in a taxi."

Shizuru interrupted them to giggle.

"Well," she said. "That _is _somewhere we haven't done it yet, isn't it, Natsuki?"

"Shizuru!"

Nao broke into laughter, slapping the couch with a hand as the other, red-faced girl glared at her. Shizuru let out a giggle before saying that she would be all right by herself.

"I shall go now," she said, coming over to Natsuki. She held up her hand. "No, no, you do not have to walk me downstairs—a guest is here, after all."

"I don't mind," Nao managed, still chuckling.

"No, it's all right." Shizuru turned to Natsuki, giving her a wink. "All I ask is that my Natsuki gives me a kiss before I go. But first..."

She took a step back and, while pushing up the glasses on the bridge of her nose, tilted her chin downwards to indicate her clothing.

"How do I look?" she asked, almost nonchalantly.

Natsuki was first to answer.

"Very nice," she said. It was obvious to the other two that she was talking about the clothes and the girl and everything she saw, and Shizuru giggled.

"Useless glasses and all," Natsuki added, with a smirk.

Shizuru laughed, and then Nao gave her answer.

"Yeah, real nice," said the redhead, knowing it was the truth and was probably an understatement. "Real good."

She eyed the older girl carefully, taking in the pastel-coloured summer dress and the white cardigan over it. She gave particular attention to the brown espadrilles, because she liked them and knew how high their price tag was. Everything the other girl was wearing, in fact, had a high price tag. But she wore it with casual grace and like she could not give a damn how much it cost, and that was what made it look better on her.

That's how she reminds me of that old-time American movie actress, Nao thought. The one in the film momma liked to watch, who goes _How do I look _just like Shizuru did now. They both look like they don't give a damn how they look even if they do ask about it, and that's because they don't need to give a damn about it.

She did not know if she found that a little unfair.

"Thank you. Then I shall be going," said Shizuru's voice. "Kiss, please."

Nao watched as the two girls leaned towards each other for a quick peck on the lips. It amused her that they did that in front of her. She remembered a time when Natsuki would not have consented to doing such a thing in front of someone else, but things were different now.

And besides, Nao was one of her closest friends, after all. She was used to it by now.

She put on a disinterested look as she watched their faces meet. Then she noted the swift flick of the eyes that Shizuru sent her way before turning them back to Natsuki, who did not notice. Afterwards, they parted, the dark-haired girl blushing lightly.

"I'll walk you to the door, at least," she said, putting her hand on the other girl's back. Shizuru made a small yelp as the hand made contact, and Natsuki removed it quickly.

"Shit," said the dark-haired girl. "What—"

"Natsuki does not remember?" Shizuru replied, obviously trying not to laugh. Natsuki's frown deepened for another second. Then it vanished.

"Yes," Shizuru told her. "_That's_ it."

"Oh... crap." Natsuki shook her head, blushing furiously. "Sorry, I'm sorry."

"That's all right." A smirk. "_I'm_ not."

"Eh..."

They turned to look at the other person in the room, who was eyeing them with a knowing look. She had a grin, and Natsuki blushed again.

"Not a word, Yuuki," she growled, getting up from the couch.

Nao shrugged, still leering. The other two walked off, and in a few moments, Nao heard the door open. It took a little longer than necessary before she heard it shut, and she knew why. Then Natsuki came back around the couch. She sat on the arm, pulling up her legs so that her feet rested on the seat.

"What do you want to do?" she asked again.

Nao was watching TV, and she took her time replying.

"Want to go to the mall?" she suggested, later.

"'Kay." Natsuki shrugged. "Now?"

"What?"

"No, I mean—_now_?" She tipped her chin. "I was talking in English."

"I didn't know you were."

"Yes, you did."

"Yes, I did."

And then, later: "After this show, Kuga."

"Sure. I'll drive?"

"You'll drive."

"Yeah," Natsuki replied, smirking. "It's not like we have any other choice."

-

_**2**_

-

They went to the mall. Since the two of them had somewhat different tastes in stores, however, they simply walked around and pretended to window shop. They passed the time this way, talking.

"Cheats're everywhere," Nao was complaining to her friend. "The other day, some bastard gave me a thousand in fake yen and I didn't notice until I got home."

Natsuki shook her head in sympathy.

"Damn," she said, her eyes on a pair of sneakers displayed by a store. "That sucks."

"Yeah," said Nao. "But, hey, I got rid of it, so no sweat."

The other girl looked at her. "What did you do with it?"

"Used it to buy food—lucky the cashier didn't notice."

Natsuki started laughing.

"God," she said. "You cheat."

"Yes?"

They laughed a little more.

"Hell," Nao told her. "I figured I might as well. Get back at the world in general, you know? For trying to cheat me out of my money."

"Sure, sure."

"Hey, I'm not a poor little rich girl with a bike." She shrugged. "Gotta make do with what I have."

Natsuki frowned at her. "Shut up."

She held up her hands in a defensive gesture. "Only the truth, Kuga."

They walked on for a little while. Later, Natsuki asked how she was doing, these days.

"I'm cool now," Nao laughed, waving her hand. "You know. Job pays well."

The older girl nodded, giving her a small smile.

"Though having to dress up in those stuffy clothes..." Nao went on. "God, what a bitch."

Natsuki laughed.

"Yeah," she said. "I was like—when Shizuru told me you'd be working as an assistant—no way, Nao in business attire? I have to get a picture of that."

Nao sneered at her, and she smirked.

"But it's nice to have a real job," the younger girl admitted. "I mean, it beats having to work an odd shift nights doing something that can get you killed."

"Ye-eah." Natsuki scratched her head. "I guess... I can't really say anything. I mean, you know."

"Yeah. I know." She grinned. "You're rich."

The dark-haired girl grimaced at her before answering.

"But, yeah," she told Nao. "I guess it must be better... now that you don't have to worry so much about making ends meet."

"Shit, I wasn't even worrying back then about making them _meet_," Nao snorted. "All I wanted was for them to get close enough to wave at each other."

Natsuki snickered.

"Anyway, I'm okay now." Nao smiled complacently. "I don't have to worry about all that crap."

"They've waved to each other by now, huh?"

"Heck, I'm hoping they'll be going on dates in the near future."

They laughed again, the two of them chortling so loudly that a few people turned to look. It did not escape Nao that some of those who did looked a little longer than was necessary, although it escaped Natsuki.

Natsuki was like that sometimes, Nao thought.

"Let's go to the next floor," Natsuki said. "I want to check out something over there."

"Okay," Nao said.

They took the escalator and Natsuki stood a few steps ahead of the younger girl. The latter made no move to move up and join the older girl on that step. Nao liked where she was standing because it gave her a good view of her friend's rear.

She had always liked seeing her friend's rear.

Today it was covered by tight, fitting denim jeans, and that made her like it even more. She remembered that time when the two of them had been on the balcony of Natsuki's flat and the dark-haired girl leaned over the railing as they talked. She herself had been standing a few steps behind the older girl, and been given what she considered a fantastic view of her friend's firm behind, wrapped in faded denim.

She had almost reached out and wrapped that denim in her hands.

"Hey, Nao, come on!"

She snapped out of her thoughts and looked up. Natsuki was already off the escalator, having impatiently taken another few steps ahead, and was waiting for her.

"Yeah, I'm coming," she replied, smirking. "Keep your pants on, Kuga."

-

_**3**_

-

They went around for a good while before deciding to get something to eat. They went to a Japanese restaurant, because Nao had a craving for sashimi and rice. Natsuki teased her about it.

"I know it's not the usual for me, but I just thought of it," she told Natsuki, as they ate. "Craving. But, you know, it's so good. I don't eat it a lot."

"_I_ eat it a lot, actually," the other answered. "Especially since Shizuru likes the stuff, you know... traditional Japanese food. Not like I have a choice since she makes it all the time. Or when we go out to eat, she picks places like this."

"Whipped."

"What?"

"Whip. I think they have Miracle Whip here," Nao replied, smiling innocently. "You want to ask?"

"Hell no." Natsuki made a face. "I hate that stuff. You know I only like real Japanese mayo."

"Huh." Nao returned to her food, plucking a slice of sashimi from the dish and dipping it into soy sauce. "Ahh... shake sashimi's the best."

The other girl looked up from her rice bowl. "Don't you think that's funny?"

"What?" Nao mumbled, chewing.

"That Tokyo people say it '_sha_ke' and everyone else says it '_sa_ke'?"

"Do they?"

"Yeah."

Nao shrugged. "I didn't notice."

"Wait."

She turned to Natsuki, whose hand was reaching out to her.

"What're you—"

"On your face," the older girl said, her fingertips touching Nao's cheek. Then the contact vanished, and Nao realized that the other girl had removed a grain of rice from her face. She turned pink and tried to hide it as she watched Natsuki casually put the speck in her own mouth.

"God," Natsuki mumbled with a grin, dipping into her bowl once more with her chopsticks. "Aren't you old enough to eat without scattering rice everywhere?"

She snickered. "But, hey, you'd make a great farmer."

"Ha-ha," Nao muttered. "It's not like you're such a neat eater, Kuga. You're one messy pup, if I remember right. I'll bet you drop more rice than I do, on a daily basis."

"Yeah?" Natsuki put down her chopsticks. "Want to bet now?"

"Sure. Let's see who's going to spend more years in purgatory."

"What?" Natsuki looked confused. "What's that have to do with this?"

"You don't know that thing they say?" Nao asked, grinning. "It's something an old aunt used to tell me. For each grain of rice you drop from your bowl, you spend one year in purgatory."

Natsuki laughed. "You must've been hard to feed when you were a kid."

"Something like that."

"So, want to bet?"

She said this while wiggling her eyebrows up and down.

"Lift your bowl and let's settle this, Kuga."

They lifted their bowls and looked at the surrounding surface on the table. Nao's surface was perfectly clean, whereas Natsuki's had two grains of rice on it. She scowled.

"Hot damn," Nao was laughing. "Two years in one meal! You better stop eating if this is the average!"

Natsuki picked up the grains, unable to keep her mouth from twitching.

"Does it count if I pick them up?" she asked mischievously.

"I don't know." Nao looked superior. "But it doesn't count if it's just sticking to my face, so there. I'm free."

"Okay, so _you_ can go straight to hell then."

Nao sneered. "You wish, so someone would keep you company there."

Natsuki was about to say something, but she stopped. She laughed.

"You're forgetting Shizuru," she told the younger girl. "If I go to hell, she'd go too, just to torment me for eternity."

"Yeah." Nao nodded, eyes dropping to the table as she thought about it. She exhaled. "She would, wouldn't she?"

"Sure, she would." Natsuki snorted. "That's my own personal little devil right there."

Nao looked up, grinning suddenly. "Does she still have that...?"

"Devil suit?" Natsuki finished for her. "_Hell, yeah_. No pun intended."

"I liked that suit. Loved it when she wore it at the costume party." She nodded to herself. "I'd love to get one of those sometime."

"Figures."

"What?"

Natsuki smirked.

"You're another of my personal devils," she said. "Figures you'd want a suit like that too."

Nao lifted an eyebrow. Then, she looked away and started signalling a waiter.

"Yeah..." she said. "Hey. I'm done, are you? Let's pay?"

"No, not this time." Natsuki shrugged. "_I'll _pay. I'm the rich girl, remember?"

They laughed.

-

_**4**_

-

They walked around again after their meal. They saw an in-mall auction for furniture in the basement, and watched for a little while. They left after Nao reminded Natsuki of her last experience with in-mall auctions. The older girl walked off in a huff, with Nao following her, laughing.

"I love that memory," Nao giggled to her friend, who scowled even more darkly at her. "I still remember it perfectly."

It had happened around a year ago. They had gone out with some of their other friends—Mai, Mikoto, Aoi, all the rest—and happened to pass by an auction taking place in the mall.

It was Nao's fault. She had taken Natsuki's keys as a joke, and the other girl was trying to get her to give them back. Just then, the auctioneer on the platform had been in the process of describing the next item to be auctioned, a statue hidden behind the curtains of the stage they set up in that corner.

_And now we have the great goddess of love and beauty_, went the man. _Guaranteed to bring you a lifetime of never-ending happiness and joy._ While he said this, Nao had thrown the keys in the air as a final effort to avoid Natsuki, who lunged after the jangling objects. She caught them, but fell onto the low platform next to the auctioneer as he finished introducing the statue still behind the screen.

Nao and the others had been laughing at their friend's inelegant stumble when, the next thing they knew, several cries of "I'll take her!" had come from a few men—and women—in the audience, sending 'the great goddess of love and beauty' into a purple blush as some of the bidders peered at her appraisingly. Everyone thought it was a funny thing, afterwards. Except for Shizuru, of course. Sometimes the older girl's eyes could be greener than Natsuki's.

Or Nao's, for that matter.

"Hey."

Nao ended her reminiscence and looked at her friend. "Yeah."

"Since we're at the mall..." The older girl trailed off, then shrugged. "You want anything, Nao? Sort of like... uh... a going-away present or something?"

She said this with a stern but pink face, and Nao almost laughed because it was so like her to be embarrassed by something like that.

"Nah," she said, smiling. "I'm cool."

"Uh, okay. But, you know, if you want something. Just say so."

"No, I'm fine. Really."

"Okay."

They walked a little more, and Nao bit her lip. "Hey, Natsuki."

"Yeah?"

"Thanks." She tried to make it sound casual. "You know."

"Yeah."

Nao stretched and looked around.

"I want to get a cigarette," she told the older girl. "You mind if I smoke for a while?"

"No, sure. You have any?"

The younger girl grinned and looked down pointedly at her cut-offs and tight-fitting top.

"Does it look like I'm carrying any?" she asked.

"Hm..."

They bought some from a store, then went outside the mall and sat on a bench as Nao lit up. Natsuki watched with a slightly amused expression, and the younger girl asked her about it.

"I love seeing people indulge in their urges," she admitted, making the other giggle. "I don't smoke, myself, but I like seeing people smoke when they like to do it."

Nao took a long pull, then let out the smoke in a steady stream that she pointed away from her friend.

"Why don't you smoke?" she asked, already knowing the answer. "I mean, you know, to round out the delinquent image you already have."

"Ruin my stamina."

Nao sighed out a small cloud. "Why you're still so concerned about that when you aren't even in any varsity teams is beyond me."

The other girl shrugged.

"Why don't you apply for varsity, anyway?" she went on, again knowing the answer. "Any one would kill to get you."

"You said it earlier—I still have a delinquent image to keep up."

They smiled.

"I hate cigarettes, really," Nao said, suddenly, with a grin. "I just smoke them to get them out of my sight."

Natsuki smirked. "Just apply fire to the problem, eh?"

"Yeah."

Nao continued to smoke, and Natsuki fanned herself. The afternoon sun was burning now, and even though the two were in the shade, they could feel the heat. The older girl cursed lightly.

"Damn," she said, lifting her hair from her nape and wrapping the black locks around one hand. "It's so hot."

She turned to look at Nao, who had an odd expression on her face.

"What?" she asked.

"Kuga," Nao stuttered, suddenly giggling. "Your... neck sure looks... interesting."

It took a few seconds for it to sink in.

"Shit!" Natsuki said, dropping her hair quickly. It fell back silkily, and covered her neck once again.

Nao could tell she wished it covered her face too.

"Man," Nao taunted. "She sure knows how to leave a mark, eh? I mean, _marks_."

The older girl growled and Nao held up a hand in defence.

"Down, girl," she whispered, still grinning.

Later, Natsuki grumbled again.

"I keep telling her not to," she said sulkily. "But she still does. I mean, it's harder to cover in summer, you know?"

"Yeah. Not like you can go around wearing turtlenecks in this heat." Nao raised her eyebrows. "Why don't you... get back at her. Do it too."

"No way." A frown. "I don't think it'd be smart to do that. It's not like it gives me a kick, anyway. She's the exhibitionist here."

Nao nodded.

"And you're not," she said.

"I'm not."

A few seconds went by. The younger girl lit another cigarette.

"You're pretty different from each other," she commented, her voice light. "Yeah?"

Natsuki inhaled. "I guess."

"Actually." A pause. "Does she ever ditch class?"

"Sometimes."

"Really?"

"Well..." Natsuki allowed. "Almost never."

"See?"

Natsuki shrugged as Nao went on.

"What's your favourite food, you know, really?"

The dark-haired girl grinned.

"_You_ know," she told Nao. "You like the same things I do. Anything fatty."

Nao smirked. "Yeah. The sashimi thing earlier was just a random fluke... And _her_ favourite food is?"

"Anything healthy," Natsuki sighed. "Shizuru's almost a health freak. Almost."

"There you go," Nao said. "I don't even need to talk about clothes, or what colours you like, or even your... um... domestic habits."

"Okay, okay," Natsuki said. "Point taken."

"Points. How the hell do you get along, Kuga?"

Natsuki turned to look at her. Nao was looking up at the sky, however, and breathing out little puffs of smoke as she talked.

"You know," the younger girl continued. "It's cool with all the differences at first. But, later, stuff like that becomes hard to take, doesn't it? Too many disagreements, too many things that aren't alike."

Natsuki leaned back, looking thoughtful.

"Yeah?" she said. "Hm... now that I think about it, the two of us—you and me—have more... similarities... than Shizuru and I do."

Nao glanced at her quickly, so that the older girl could not see it.

"Yeah," she said. "You know... the two of you don't have anything in common."

Natsuki looked at her.

-

_**5**_

-

Later that evening, Nao went to a bar downtown. She often went to this bar because she liked it and she liked the bartender. She liked him in a nice, non-romantic kind of way, and talked to him a lot. He liked her too, of course.

They smiled at each other as she ordered a drink. He made it and slipped it across the counter.

"Here you go," he said, standing in front of her. "I thought your flight was tomorrow, girl."

"Yeah," she said. "It is, actually."

"Shouldn't you be at home getting some sleep?"

She smiled. "Tried that. Didn't work."

"No?"

"No."

He shrugged and smiled at her.

"I'll miss you while you're gone, Nao," he said. "You're the highlight of my week, you know?"

"Sure I am."

"It's true."

"Huh."

He took a second to look her over.

"You look tired," he told her. "You okay, girl?"

"Yeah."

"You sure?"

"Yeah."

"Okay."

Then, suddenly, she asked him a question.

"You got a girl, Ken?"

"Not right now," Ken said. "We just broke up."

"Damn. Sorry, fella."

"No, I don't care." He grinned. "Why'd you ask, Nao? Interested?"

She laughed. She did not bother to make it sound nice like she usually did when trying to make a good impression with a man. So the laugh was uncaring and low and had just enough evil in it to be sexy.

"You ever liked someone who had someone?" she asked, suddenly.

"What do you mean?" he answered. "You mean someone who likes someone else?"

"Yeah. Or, no." She smiled. "I mean someone who already _has _someone."

"Someone _taken_."

"Yeah."

He stopped his polishing and reached under the bar to put aside the glass he was holding.

"Sure," he said. "I think everyone's gone through that at least once."

"Yeah?"

He shrugged.

"I don't know if that's good to hear," she said, grinning. "So what happened?"

"To what?" he asked.

"You know, that person you liked who already had someone."

"I got over it."

She laughed again, but with less humour.

"Now, that's cheating," she said. "It's cheating to just say that, Kenny boy. You're skipping out on all the good stuff. Don't tell me you didn't try anything."

He grinned as a lock of hair worked itself loose from his pomade and brushed over his brow. He looked very boyish then, and very nice, and Nao thought that it was a pity she did not like him that way. He brushed back the wayward hair as he answered.

"That's the point," he said. "There was no good stuff. So I just suffered for a while and tried to be noble."

"Huh."

"Then I thought, to hell with being noble, let's try something else. So I tried something, yeah, but it didn't work so I suffered again. After a while I just got my quota of the suffering and got over it."

"Sounds like a cold," she said, while inspecting her nails.

"It's more like a fever."

"You ever regret it? Trying something?"

He scrunched up his brow. "Why should I?"

"Because it didn't work. So you might've saved yourself the trouble."

A man took a seat at the other end of the bar and Ken made a sign for Nao to wait. She nodded and watched him go over to the man and take his order. It was a Scotch, on the rocks. Ken poured the golden liquid into the glass with the ice and stopped when it was about four fingers high. He handed the drink to the client and came back.

"I don't know about that," he said. "I don't know about regret. Because I agree with those people who say it's always better to try than regret not doing it later. Besides, it might've worked."

"But it didn't."

"Sure. But it could've. Just because it didn't work that time doesn't mean you can be sure it never would've worked. Maybe it was just wrong timing, something like that. Maybe if I tried it at the right time I would've gotten the right reaction."

He reached under a shelf and came up holding a rag. He went on.

"It was just like, you know, I tried to shoot for a bull's-eye but didn't time it right for the wind or something. So I shot at the wrong time, with the wrong wind. Another time and the bullet might've hit where I wanted."

She was grinning.

"Bullet, huh?" she said. "I like that image. It fits."

He was about to ask her why when she spoke again.

"So," she said. "Let's pretend you like someone who has someone else, just as before. Let's just pretend it. Pretending's safe."

He smiled. "Are we pretending for you too?"

She took a while to consider it, moistening her lips with the drink in her hand.

"Hell, why not," she said. "Sure, let's pretend for both of us. Sound good?"

"Sounds awful."

They smiled at each other.

"Doesn't it, though?" she told him. "But it's the way it is. So, still interested?"

"Heck, I'm game if you are," he answered, letting loose a laugh. "So what happens with these people we like? Don't tell me they're with each other."

"No, no."

"Okay. Good."

"Why good?"

"I don't know. It just is, I guess."

She smiled and said nothing.

"Just a little weird." He started to polish the bar surface with small, controlled circling motions. "So what are they like?"

"Hmm." She narrowed her eyes and brought up a hand to chew on her fingernail. "They have dark hair. I mean really dark."

"Works for me."

"They're really pale, and look even paler because of the hair. But we don't mind because they have perfect skin and it looks good with the hair and the eyes."

"What are the eyes like?"

"They're green. Not like my green," she said, wiggling her eyebrows at him. "A really deep green but clear all through, like emeralds."

"Nice. I like green eyes," he said, giving her a smile. "They're pretty."

"They're gorgeous," she said, laughing with him.

"So what else?" he asked, starting to enjoy this game.

"They have great bodies. Lean, but really toned, you know, like athletes. The athletic type."

"Sexy." He grinned. "But what are their personalities like, though?"

She squinted at the countertop he was polishing, which shone like a mirror from his attention.

"They're cold at first," she said. "And they act like they don't give a damn about the whole fucking world. They go around on their own and act like they don't need anyone. And usually skip school. Act tough all the time—you know the drill—with their leather and bikes and brooding expressions."

He chuckled. "Sounds real gruff, all right. Regular delinquents, huh?"

"Yeah." She grinned. "But, see, later you figure out they aren't just that. They're actually pretty nice and thoughtful in their own ways. It's just hard to see because they try not to let it show."

"Why do they do that?"

"Well," she began. "Let's say it's because they're scared. Because they're really flimsy under that thick old shell. They've been through shit so they can't help but be scared all the time. That's another thing that's hard to see."

She paused, her lips pulling into a slow, wry smile. "They've got a ton of angst and the chips on their shoulders are miles wide, but we like them in spite of that. Fuck, maybe we like them because of that."

He had stopped his polishing by now, and was holding the rag in one hand.

"He must be a really interesting guy," he said.

She shrugged, looking away. After a minute had passed without her saying anything, he started the conversation again.

"Anyway," he said. "What do we do about them? My girl and your guy?"

She smiled and wagged a finger at him.

"They're not ours, remember?" she said. "They belong to other people. That's the problem."

"Oh, yeah. So what do we do about the problem?"

"I guess we try to fix it."

He nodded. "That sounds about right."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"It's easy to say that, though," she said. "It's easy to think about doing it, too. But it's hard to do it."

"It gets easier once you do start," he told her.

"Not really."

He lifted his thick, shaggy eyebrows at her. After that, the man at the other end of the bar lifted his hand.

"Wait," Ken told Nao. "I'll just serve him."

The man asked for another Scotch. After Ken gave him the drink, he came back to Nao's side of the bar.

"So," he said. "Let's pretend we do try something. What do we try?"

She had her elbow on the counter and her chin propped up on one hand. Her red hair fell into her eyes and she blew to get it away.

"We hang out with them," she said. "And we make it like a date, but we call it 'hanging out,' because that's safer."

"How long do we do this 'hanging out'?"

"A whole day."

"And the... the significant others aren't there?"

"They're not there."

"What do we do while 'hanging out'?"

"We go to the mall. Eat, mess around a little. Argue, too, because that's the way it always is, and it's fun. We talk a lot."

"About what?"

She gave him a cunning smile.

"First we talk about generally everything," she said. "Then you and I think about how this is a great opportunity that we can't let go to waste. So we start talking about something specific."

"Like?"

"Like all the differences and problems and disagreements that they and their significant others have."

"This is where the scheming starts."

"It started way before."

He chuckled. "Go on."

Her face took on a pensive expression.

"So," she said. "Let's say we do that. Let's say we point out these things and ask them if they never get frustrated by how different they are from them." She made a light frown. "From... that woman."

"What does he say?" he asked, before catching himself. "No, I mean '_they_'? What do they say?"

"They say 'yeah.'"

"Don't they get frustrated? I mean, differences can be frustrating."

"Let's say they do get frustrated by it sometimes," she answered.

"That's good," he told her. "That's something. So what do we say next?"

"We start pointing out little things about us having more in common than they do. You know, like how it'd be better with us than those people they have right now. Just not too obviously, at first."

"Power of suggestion."

"Mm."

"So what happens after that?" he asked. "It all seems like pretty smooth sailing to me."

She shook her head at him, a small smile on her lips.

"No," she said. "This is the hard part. This is where I always have trouble solving the problem in my head."

He pointed his chin at her. "Let's have a go. I'll help."

"Two heads are better than one, huh?"

"That's what they say."

She smiled dryly, licking her lips. She checked her watch before looking up at him again.

"Let's say you've done pointing it all out," she said. "That they're like oil and water together and don't fit right."

"Okay." He nodded. "What does she—_he_, for your case—say to that?"

"Well, let's say the answer is that it doesn't matter. What would you say?"

He grinned.

"Easy," he told her. "I'd say it'd be hard to say the same thing a little further down the road. Differences make relationships interesting at first, but a little later on and they become pure fuel for fights. One day they're going to wake up and realize all they do is bicker and want to get out of it and maybe it'll be harder to do that by then."

"Okay," she said. "So basically, we're going to suggest that they give a good think to their relationship?"

"Yeah," he said. "Perfect way to sow the seeds of discontent."

"Okay," she said again.

"And after that, I guess we point out that they're _really_ different from each other, just to make the point clear."

"I'll go you a step further," she told him. "We'll tell them they have _nothing_ in common. Nothing that matters, anyway. I mean, 'breathing' isn't really something that you can answer to that."

He laughed.

"That'd do it," he said. "They couldn't say anything to that, from what you've told me. See, easy?"

She looked at him.

"But they do say something to that, Kenny."

A pause, before she continued.

"And we don't know what to answer to it," she finished.

"What?" He looked curious and challenging at the same time. "Come on. What?"

She was quiet. He prodded on.

"Come on, Nao. Let's say you say he and this girl don't have anything in common. What does the guy say?"

Her eyes were shut off from him. She opened them after a few seconds, and he thought they were a little too bright tonight.

"The idiot says," she said. "They _do_ have something in common."

"What?"

"Each other."

His face showed that he had not expected that answer. She smiled, but it looked like a grimace.

"So what do you say?" she asked, suddenly draining what was left of her drink. "What the fuck do you say to that?"

He pulled in his lips, then brought them out again. He looked up at the ceiling, then back at her.

She was expecting an answer.

"I don't know," he said, finally. It sounded like an apology. "I wouldn't know what to say to that."

Again the bitter smile on her face, her mouth twisted into a punctuation mark of feeling.

"What the hell," she muttered, looking like she had just realized what was on her face. "What the hell."

She shook her head as if to clear it, and the bitterness submerged to the point where it was just beneath the surface. But it was no longer secret, and he supposed she was angry with herself for having allowed it to come up for air earlier.

He was about to open his mouth when she slid off the stool in a swift motion, laying a few bills on the countertop.

"You're going?" he asked.

"Yeah."

She smiled at him and said thanks, and she had to leave now. It was clear she did not want to talk anymore, so he wished her a good flight and she told him to keep the change.

She said something as she turned away.

"See," she said, sounding almost sorry. "I didn't know what to say to it either."

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End file.
